DarkSlinky

I realise I’ve been neglecting my blog a bit lately.  I guess it’s mostly due to the fact that I’ve been spending most days getting to know my wonderful new man.  The other reason is I’ve been thinking about my blog and what its’ purpose actually is.  I was re-reading my recent entries and I realised they’re more of a list of recent events, rather than an insight into my life, if you know what I mean.  Not that my life is particularly important or interesting, but I assume people would read my blog because it’s a window into someone else’s life, whether I’m someone you do or don’t know, someone you do or don’t like.

I haven’t been doing anything interesting lately anyway.  When my ex left me my sleeping patterns went haywire and I didn’t do housework for weeks and weeks.  The place was nasty, but I’ve really put myself into gear this past week.  I’ve got my resume nearly ready to go, all of my chores are up to date (dishes, washing, vacuuming, etc.) and for the first time in a year or more I feel as though I’m really in control of my life.  I’ve found it really interesting to reflect on my own thoughts and behaviours over the last year.

Towards the end of last year to the beginning of this year, my ex’s parents were getting divorced and selling their house.   He had nowhere to go so he moved in with me, despite him and his mother not really wanting him to.  I wanted him to; I was excited that we would get to live together after so many years in a relationship.  However, the whole situation became awkward and a lot of tensions arose.

To be honest, I was really quite depressed.  I would cry for no particular reason and get sick often.  I felt as though life was simply too much to bear and I wanted to put it on hold and curl up in a ball by myself for a few months.  As a result, I became unmotivated and began to fall behind at university, which increased the pressure on me… etcetera.

I feel ashamed of doing badly at university this year, mostly because I know I could do better.  After reflecting on the whole situation I honestly think that it wasn’t my fault.  I went through a difficult time and obviously couldn’t cope.  I just wonder sometimes if I’m just trying to justify it, to make excuses.  I did reach out for help but it fell through.  I’m glad I was able to sort things out myself, though.  I’m really quite proud of myself.

I believe deferring my university course for six months was the right thing to do.  It’s given me the chance to really figure things out.  I think a lot of people think I’m irresponsible for not having a job but this is what I needed so that I could figure myself out and really get into gear.  Afterall, there’s no point being in gear if you don’t want to accelerate.

At the moment I’m quite stressed about a few personal things… my health mostly, and a few issues with friends.  I won’t go into details right now because it’s late and I have to be up early.

Gavin stayed with me for the weekend, from Friday to today.  It’s really nice to have a man around the house again; someone to deal with the bugs and give me kisses and cuddles while waiting for Borderlands to load.

Ah, yes, Borderlands was released last week.  Well, eventually anyway.  Firstly the release date was 3 days early and then they realised they had released the wrong version in Australia.  Typical. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m looking forward to the future, anyway.  Things like having a clean house, nice hair-cut, new games, new clothes, new boyfriend, new friends, a job and the motivation to do really well at university next year.  Yes, hopefully things continue along this path. =)

I just realised my ramblings don’t really make a whole lot of sense.  I’m really quite tired.  I hope the points I’m trying to convey aren’t too hard to figure out… not that there’s really any point.  I’m mostly trying to reflect on the past to benefit the future.  If that makes sense?

Yeah, I need to sleep. Haha.

<3 DarkSlinky.