DarkSlinky

Archive for the ‘Blogs’ Category

What have I been doing, besides neglecting my blog?

Work, work, work.  The past couple of weeks I went on a bit of a spending spree – new clothes, Canon 550D SLR, 32” LED TV, etc… You catch my drift.  It’s good, but now I have so many boxes to sort through.

I also tried vlogging, only to discover I’m terribly boring on camera and don’t have anything interesting to talk about.  All this lack of sleep just makes me look like a zombie on camera anyway.

Insomnia is nasty, but it also gives me the opportunity to watch anime and sit around drawing creepy sketches of birds. It’s not as bad as some people I have come in contact with, that’s for sure.  I do love it when people with sad little lives underestimate me, but I think it’s just my own internal satisfaction.

I’m pretty certain I should write a book – but where to start, and what about?  I figure it’ll come to me with time.  I’ve already started making random notes in a sketchbook I bought at the beginning of the year.

This sketchbook also contains all the work I’ve done towards practising portraiting (did I just make up a word?).

Maybe one day I’ll be the artist, musician, teacher, writer, gamer, photographer, singer I want to be.  People mistake my habit of practising these skills as being lazy and messy, specifically, my mother.  Some people just don’t understand how the creative mind ticks.

My time will come, or so I like to believe.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I return, aliveish and well enough.

Well, kind of anyway.  You could say I’ve been away on ‘business’ in the vaguest possible way… (Can’t you tell I love being mysterious?)  The point is that I didn’t forget you guys I’m here now to write stuff about stuff like I used to do.

I’m still the same person, but at the same time, the person I was was a very different person to the person I was before that… If you know what I mean.  I still play games when I can, still have trouble sleeping, people still think I have an English or Canadian accent, but at the same time, I’m growing up quickly and when I look in the mirror now I feel like I’m looking at someone else.

Long story short; since my last post I arrived home from Perth followed closely by Snags who has now lived with me for a month or so.  I had 2 weeks off work for jury duty but I’m back at work again.  There are also a number of very personal and emotionally draining issues playing out that I can’t discuss for a number of reasons (yes, this is one reason I haven’t been around).  It’s been a seriously intense emotional rollercoaster.

On the one hand, I’ve never been happier or more at peace with another human being.  I realise it’s still early stages but he makes me look forward to every day where I get to see him, talk to him, hold him, kiss him…  He makes me feel special every day.  I consider myself to be very lucky to have the love and support of this man.  Living with him has been very helpful and it feels like it wouldn’t be right living somewhere without him.  (Having someone move in with me is another reason I haven’t been around – it’s a lot of work, you know!)

On the other hand I feel isolated and alone as I fight an internal battle that only I can fight, but I will struggle to the very end and beyond if that’s what is required.  Most days I think the emotional strain is so great that my brain shuts off to it in order to remain sane and I only feel numb and withdrawn.  Other days are overwhelming and exhausting, but the continued support of family and friends as well as lack of full-time work or university stress really do lessen the burden.

I had my first lucid dream yesterday morning.  It was terrifying.  I was curled up on Snags’ chest when it felt as though I was physically falling and I only realised that that’s what falling asleep feels like after I pulled out of it.  So I willed myself to ‘fall’ again.  It took a while but eventually I pulled it off and somehow I was able to keep my conscious mind awake while still falling in to a sleep deep enough to dream.  I knew I was dreaming and I could control my actions.  I dreamt I was a young girl and for some reason the room I was dreaming of terrified me.  I was afraid to look in a mirror I knew was to my left and when I noticed a young boy standing in front of me I had an overpowering urge to wake up.  I had difficulty doing so, which was scary, but I got there eventually.

I find it incredibly interesting but I’m kind of afraid to do it again because it felt so close to touching some really sensitive nerves, so to speak.

In case you’re wondering, jury duty wasn’t exciting.  I got called in twice, the first day I couldn’t go and the second day I was excused.  At least I know what it all involves now.

I realise I’m probably not making a whole lot of sense either.  I haven’t been sleeping well and it’s incredibly late at the moment.  I guess I should go try and get some sleep.

I’m still keen to vlog too….

<3 DarkSlinky.

So I haven’t updated like I promised to and honestly it’s mainly because my laptop has neither “L” nor “K” buttons (I’m using an onscreen keyboard for them… so painful), half of it is randomly in Japanese and it bluescreens whenever it’s particularly inconvenient.  It has had a good, long-ish life.  Now I just think it’s on its’ way out.  It is affectionately known as my “Noob Computer”.

I have been in Perth for two and a half weeks now and in that time I have realised this is just the break I needed after what occurred with my ex.  I don’t like to sound corny (I always do anyway, don’t I?) but I fell in love with a wonderful man as soon as I stepped off that plane and saw him there waiting for me (Aheee I’m a hopeless romantic! >.<).  Of course, that man is Snags.  We’ve spent the last month getting to know each other and, frankly, I can’t get enough of him.  So far there have been absolutely no conflicts, except that I refuse to let him do housework in my home if he’s working full time and he insists on sharing the load (so trivial and cute… -Swoon-).  He will be moving to my home in Queensland over the next few months which makes both of us very happy.

Snags wasn’t the only person at the airport either.  There were about 7 friends there waiting for me despite the fact parking is expensive, my plane didn’t land until 12:30am and there was a chance my flight would be delayed due to heavy fog.  There were more people waiting at a 24hr restaurant to meet me too.  I felt so very special.  From Pants Party I have now met (and this is more for my reference than anything else) PP Queensland; X1 , Prince Barin, Verty, Mcbaine, Mosse, KyePie, Necromancer, and PP Western Australia; Snags, Fen, Murdats, Gaz, Eagz, Darkr, Timmeh, Shocklanced, Synapz, Ace of Spades, Siby, and Senn.  I’ve made a lot of other Perth friends too, and I’m yet to meet more from Pants Party.

Coming to Perth has made me realise how very little I miss in Brisbane, and how little in Brisbane misses me.  At first it was kind of upsetting but I realised it’s just the reality and I have no choice but to accept it.  I’m thinking about moving to Perth but it probably won’t be for a few years yet, if anything.  I feel as though I still have unfinished business back home and Snags is happy to move there with me so everything seems to be panning out nicely.

I sorted things out with that friend of mine that I mentioned in my last blog.  It was a simple misunderstanding and nothing serious, which I am very glad for.  While in Perth I’ve also managed to clear up a few other miscommunications with friends in Brisbane and help a few other friends with love dramas and the like.  I am quite pleased with myself and feel better about going back there now.

I seem to have slipped in to another pattern of insomnia and nightmares again.  I don’t sleep well and when I do sleep I have dreams and nightmares that are so real I wake up believing they have occurred.  I told a friend about it and he suggested I read up on and try lucid dreaming.  To start with, this will involve me having a letter written on my hand to remind myself to question my reality and writing down the dreams I have as soon as I remember them.  So I’ll try it and see if I can learn to control my dreams.  I’m very excited and interested to see what the outcome will be.

As a side note; why does everyone think I have a British accent just because I speak correctly?!  Gaarrhh!!  No matter where I go everyone asks me about it! >.<

Maybe I’ll start vlogging, just for teh lulz… >:3

<3 DarkSlinky.

(P.S. DarkSlinky is a nightmare to type without “L” or “K”.  I become DarSiny…)