DarkSlinky

Last night was bizarre.  I put Marsy out to bed like I usually do and she kept scratching at the door, so I brought her kennel inside so I could put it in the room next to my bedroom (it’s like a little work room for my dad).  Then she kept scratching at that door, so I let her sleep on the end of my bed while I read my book and put her out again but she scratched at the door all night long and kept me awake.  I thought she’d stop eventually but it went on for ages.  Dad said she’s been following him around lately too, maybe she just wants more company.

Through the night I had a dream where I found out Liam had moved over to New Zealand and I was really upset, so I called him (in the dream).  He was skiing with Lloyd, he told me he was having the best time which made me hysterical because I thought he was rubbing it in my face.  He then said to me, “Just listen to me for a sec.  I booked a guest room here at the ski resort so you can come and stay with me.  I want you to be here with me forever,” and I was just over the moon.  Then of course, I woke up to reality.

So, I woke up missing Liam like crazy.  Not a good way to start the day.

In my head at the moment rolling around is… well let me show you my thought process, the neverending circle of doom.

Is he really moving on from me?  Should I really move on from him?
Maybe I should close the door to him, open it to others.
Maybe I should close the door to others, leave it open to only him.
Or should I close all doors, or maybe open all doors?
I need to move on from what we had, so we can make something new…
I loved what we had, but things changed. This is what we need for things to get better.
But that’s not letting go of him, that’s letting go of what we had…
Can you really just ‘restart’ a relationship like that?
Is it going to work?  Where will we end up?
Is he letting go of me, or of what we had?  Should I really move on from him?

And around I go.  Jeez, I’m thinking about all of this WAY too much, but how do you stop thinking about it?  Haha, re-reading my thoughts just makes me feel ridiculous.  Actually makes me laugh.. XD

Why can’t I read the futuuuuuuuuuure!

Liam bought Garry’s Mod for him and myself today.  He made me a Companion Cube car.  It was very cute, cheered me up.  I feel a lot better after my little write-rant thing today.

I’m getting ready to go to Madonna’s for a few nights.

<3 DarkSlinky.