DarkSlinky

I’ve finally had a few nights of proper sleep.  It only took… well, ages.   Feels like months to me but I guess it was about 2 or 3 weeks.  Hopefully my brain makes a habit of not forcing me to enter into twisted, thriller-style storylines every time I try to sleep.

I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, relationships in particular.  Not just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but friendships too.

I realised tonight what I really miss about having been in a long-term relationship is having a friend who you can confide everything in.  It’s special to have someone who knows you inside-out, someone who won’t judge you, someone who knows what to say or what to do to comfort you.  Someone you can talk to for hours about your insights or your worries and they want to know more.  It’s a shame these things tend to wither with time, whether it be hours or decades.

I guess I just feel like there’s a lot on my mind and no one really has the time or interest to listen, which I think is fair enough.  I’m not angry or bitter, as always, I just feel lonely and I hope in the future I have someone in my life who will take me for all that I am and love me unconditionally.

I’m always so fascinated with other people’s life stories.  I could listen for hours as people tell me about their secrets from the past, their fears for the present and their hopes for the future.

I had someone asking me about my life a few nights ago and he told me I was an amazing and unique person.  It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, which makes me feel like I’ve got something special to share with the world.  Maybe they’re wrong, though.  I find that people’s initial interest fades away, like a match that flares up and burns for a while before gradually dying away.  For a little while there you feel warm and thrilled but soon it’s cold and grey again.  It’s a little sad, but mostly just normality, I think.

I’ve probably said it before, but I have friends that I’ve known for many, many years and I’m lucky in that regard.  I don’t think I’m as close to any of them as I used to be, which is a shame.  I was once a part of a group of friends who always told each other everything.  We suffered through tough times and practically grew up together.  Now we’re older and busier with work and study, some of us have moved far away, some have lost contact altogether, some have changed and moved on to different things.  I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those people.  I hope they stay in my life as much as possible, and I hope the ones who have left return to me one day.

I crave something deeper, something meaningful, maybe something endless… Not that I can comprehend what ‘endless’ is anyway.

I wonder if others desire the same thing, or if it’s just me…?

<3 DarkSlinky.

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