I have been in Perth for two and a half weeks now and in that time I have realised this is just the break I needed after what occurred with my ex.  I don’t like to sound corny (I always do anyway, don’t I?) but I fell in love with a wonderful man as soon as I stepped off that plane and saw him there waiting for me (Aheee I’m a hopeless romantic! >.<).  Of course, that man is Snags.  We’ve spent the last month getting to know each other and, frankly, I can’t get enough of him.  So far there have been absolutely no conflicts, except that I refuse to let him do housework in my home if he’s working full time and he insists on sharing the load (so trivial and cute… -Swoon-).  He will be moving to my home in Queensland over the next few months which makes both of us very happy.

Snags wasn’t the only person at the airport either.  There were about 7 friends there waiting for me despite the fact parking is expensive, my plane didn’t land until 12:30am and there was a chance my flight would be delayed due to heavy fog.  There were more people waiting at a 24hr restaurant to meet me too.  I felt so very special.  From Pants Party I have now met (and this is more for my reference than anything else) PP Queensland; X1 , Prince Barin, Verty, Mcbaine, Mosse, KyePie, Necromancer, and PP Western Australia; Snags, Fen, Murdats, Gaz, Eagz, Darkr, Timmeh, Shocklanced, Synapz, Ace of Spades, Siby, and Senn.  I’ve made a lot of other Perth friends too, and I’m yet to meet more from Pants Party.

Coming to Perth has made me realise how very little I miss in Brisbane, and how little in Brisbane misses me.  At first it was kind of upsetting but I realised it’s just the reality and I have no choice but to accept it.  I’m thinking about moving to Perth but it probably won’t be for a few years yet, if anything.  I feel as though I still have unfinished business back home and Snags is happy to move there with me so everything seems to be panning out nicely.

I sorted things out with that friend of mine that I mentioned in my last blog.  It was a simple misunderstanding and nothing serious, which I am very glad for.  While in Perth I’ve also managed to clear up a few other miscommunications with friends in Brisbane and help a few other friends with love dramas and the like.  I am quite pleased with myself and feel better about going back there now.

I seem to have slipped in to another pattern of insomnia and nightmares again.  I don’t sleep well and when I do sleep I have dreams and nightmares that are so real I wake up believing they have occurred.  I told a friend about it and he suggested I read up on and try lucid dreaming.  To start with, this will involve me having a letter written on my hand to remind myself to question my reality and writing down the dreams I have as soon as I remember them.  So I’ll try it and see if I can learn to control my dreams.  I’m very excited and interested to see what the outcome will be.

As a side note; why does everyone think I have a British accent just because I speak correctly?!  Gaarrhh!!  No matter where I go everyone asks me about it! >.<

Maybe I’ll start vlogging, just for teh lulz… >:3

<3 DarkSlinky.

(P.S. DarkSlinky is a nightmare to type without “L” or “K”.  I become DarSiny…)

Epic lol.  I kid, I kid!  I did take bits out of context, but you have to admit, it is a LOT more amusing that way, and possibly more truthful.  As the awesome Ray William Johnson would say, I’M JUST SAYIN’.

Nah, seriously, he wants you to know that, in regards to the blog entry entitled ‘Sweet Homicide‘, I interrupted his game, he wears singlets when he bums around the house and he was NOT flexing to impress me.  No, not at all.  Nuh uh.  Oh, and of course, his universe doesn’t revolve around me (universes don’t revolve at all, noob).  Well that I believe. I mean, it’s not like he still combs through my blog a year later to check what I’m up to or anything, and feels the urge to comment when I say something that may relate to him in some way, right?  …….. I lol.  Perhaps I’m not the one who should “grow up” and “get over themselves.” I mean, I never mentioned his name anywhere.  Is it just me, or is it a little arrogant to assume he’s my only ex?  I could have been talking about any of them. =)

All this is so trivial though, honestly.  These are the things that give me amusement, make me laugh.  People are funny things.  It gives me something entertaining to write about, so I’m certainly not complaining!

Speaking of people and the annoying things they do; I have a friend who recently got himself a girlfriend after 10 million years (so he implies, I think it was only about a year or two though) and has completely ditched me!  I do not believe it was because of the girl, I know her and I love her (perhaps a little TOO much…) but what the hell?  I would never have expected this from one of my close friends.  He’s away on a holiday so I haven’t spoken to him about it yet but I guess I will eventually.  I don’t think he reads my blog but if he does and if he knows it’s him I’m talking about, WHAT IS GOING ONNNN?!

In other news, one of my friends bought me Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 2 because I’ve wanted it so badly for ages.  So far, I think it’s a great game.  I’ll be hyperactive in multiplayer and obsessing over it for quite a while, I imagine.  I also bought a stack of games when Steam had them cheap so I’m going to have to update my games list again.  Starcraft 2 comes soon too, YAAYYY! >.<

Today has been an awesome day though, seriously.  This morning I had a bunch of orchids (one of my favourite flowers, aah!) delivered to my door with the sweetest note from the man I refer to as my ‘Perth husband’, also known as Snags.  We clicked when we first met in person here in Brisbane and, now that I’m single again, things have continued to progress.  You may have noticed a change in my attitude recently and it’s purely because I’m hopeful and happy again and, like my close friends, he brings out the best in me.  I cannot wait to join my Perth friends in their home city for satay party times. (Note: ‘Satay’ as an adjective is not my word. It belongs to Snags, but I’ma use it anyway!)

<3 DarkSlinky.

I will try my best to summarise my recent series of events.

I had two friends from Pants Party Perth fly to Brisbane for a week to surprise me for my birthday.  It was one of the best surprises I’ve ever had.  I find it so challenging to express how grateful I am with mere words.  Little do they know, these boys supported me through some really difficult times, and to meet them was like meeting my heroes.

We had a fantastic week together, during which I turned 20 years old.  (Happy birthday to me!) I had two gatherings for my birthday; the first was a small gathering with the boys from Perth on my actual birthday and the second was a big gathering which we VIP’d the Mana Bar for.  My friends and I wore Sailor Scout costumes we sewed ourselves for both parties, which looked great, if I don’t say so myself.

After the second, bigger gathering, some ‘interesting’ (such a vague word, I love it) events occurred that resulted in me breaking things off with the guy I was seeing.  My close friends and the people who were there know what happened, and it’s not really a big deal.  Point is that it’s over, but for now we’re still in contact.

In the meantime, I’m being chased by guys once again.  This is not a bragging point.  I greatly dislike being hounded and sought after.  I’ve said the same thing over and over; I’m interested only in friendship for now.  If I am interested in a guy, I will chase them myself, because I enjoy the challenge and can do it at my own pace.  At the same time though, I’ve made some good friends, the kind I hope to keep… Endrant (I invent the coolest new words…).

Apparently I made a good impression, because in 2 weeks I leave Brisbane to stay with my Perth friends for a month.  I’m counting down the days until I leave this crazy city and start my wonderful holiday.  I will probably update my website from there if I get time.

I’m at the level of tiredness where I can barely keep my eyes open, strange considering it’s not even 1am.  Usually I stay up much later.

I will upload photos soon, if I remember to.

<3 DarkSlinky.

The other night I dreamt about one of the life-threatening situations from my childhood in full detail.  It wasn’t like my usual nightmares; I’d say it was more like reliving a traumatic memory.  I find the two affect me differently.  Nightmares freak me out while reliving memories makes me think, “Oh, yes, I remember that.”  Coincidentally, the day after the dream I was in another life-threatening situation (if that’s what you want to call it, anyway).  It’s not as exciting as it sounds, but interesting-ish nonetheless.

Someone ran a red light and nearly t-boned the passenger side of my car doing 60 – 70km/hr, maybe more.  I had 3 friends in the car and they all saw it, he only missed us by a metre or two.  We were mid-conversation when we all realised what had happened, and how close we came to being in a very serious and potentially deadly car accident.  At first we laughed and then I was in absolute shock as I realised just how important my job is as the driver of the vehicle.  Driving responsibly is important, but it’s far more important to be able to make split second decisions and react when someone else does something stupid.

Speaking of split-second decisions, I got a puppy last week on the same day that I had to see my ex-ex-boyfriend.  It was like being stabbed with delicious candy.  It’s sweetly satisfying coupled with a dull kind of stinging, also slightly humorous and exceedingly amusing (does this make any sense whatsoever?).   I had to drop stuff off to my ex, so after a civilised conversation on MSN I decided to stop at his house on the way to pick up my new puppy.

When I arrived at his house, my ex was in his bedroom playing games with his roommate (whose computer was near to where I was standing).  The roommate went into to my exes’ bedroom to let him know I had arrived and, little did either of them know, my exes’ microphone was on and I could hear everything my ex said through his roommates’ computer.  It was something along the lines of, “Oh….. Crap.”  I don’t think they understood why I was laughing when they emerged.  Anyway, as I handed his stuff to him I noticed he was wearing a tight singlet and he proceeded to flex his muscles and deepen his voice to the point where I was finding it nearly impossible not to collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter.  There are a few ways in which I could describe it but they’re not exactly nice (“Bulbous toothpick” comes to mind) and we all know how mature I am….. Hahahahaha.

I then went to pick up my puppy feeling highly amused and much less like I had just been stabbed.  Her name is Gracie; she’s a 3-month-old, pure-bred Chihuahua and is already bigger than my 13-year-old Marsypan.  They don’t get along a lot of the time because Gracie is young and playful and Mars is old and cranky, but it seems like they’re gradually getting used to each other.  There is much training to be done!

I have been working a lot and I have a cursed cold.  I’m very tired so it’s definitely time for me to crash.

<3 DarkSlinky.

“What doesn’t kill us, defines us.”

It’s interesting, isn’t it?  I think it’s very true.  The way people react to anything, whether it’s something big or small, reveals what sort of person they really are.

I like to think I’m a good person.  I may be stubborn as hell, clumsy and a master of procrastination, but I’m pretty level-headed (when it comes to other people, anyway).  I’m not easily angered and I don’t hold grudges.  I’m overly emotional but, as someone pointed out, it’s not exactly a weakness.  The same person told me I’m inspirational, though what I would inspire in someone, I don’t know.

I had quite a few of my family and friends contact me after my last blog post asking me if I was okay.  I didn’t realise how many people actually read my blog, let alone how worried I had made them.  It definitely was a rough patch but it didn’t last long and I’m a tough cookie (…Mmmm.. cookie).  I’m much more emotionally stable now and hopefully things remain that way, but I’m prepared if I started to slide again.

I’ve realised over the past few days just how much people care about me, which has really helped me to pick up again.  In hindsight it was ridiculous of me to think I was so alone, but that’s just how it goes, I guess.  I will probably feel secluded again if I end up in the same situation.  Unfortunately it’s something I can’t control.

I can now think of at least 10 people off the top of my head who have told me they keep me in their thoughts or have gone out of their way to help me.  I haven’t even met most of them but I love them dearly and intend to meet them all one day.

I think I’m rambling.  I’ll probably read this tomorrow and facepalm.

I’m really tired after a whole 4 hours of work… hurr.

On a random note, I have a piece of bone trying to emerge from my gum.  It’s cut up, swollen and incredibly sore.  I also suspect I’m getting a cold.  Yeah, I’m pretty out of it.  Must be time to numb my mouth and go to bed.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, relationships in particular.  Not just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but friendships too.

I realised tonight what I really miss about having been in a long-term relationship is having a friend who you can confide everything in.  It’s special to have someone who knows you inside-out, someone who won’t judge you, someone who knows what to say or what to do to comfort you.  Someone you can talk to for hours about your insights or your worries and they want to know more.  It’s a shame these things tend to wither with time, whether it be hours or decades.

I guess I just feel like there’s a lot on my mind and no one really has the time or interest to listen, which I think is fair enough.  I’m not angry or bitter, as always, I just feel lonely and I hope in the future I have someone in my life who will take me for all that I am and love me unconditionally.

I’m always so fascinated with other people’s life stories.  I could listen for hours as people tell me about their secrets from the past, their fears for the present and their hopes for the future.

I had someone asking me about my life a few nights ago and he told me I was an amazing and unique person.  It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, which makes me feel like I’ve got something special to share with the world.  Maybe they’re wrong, though.  I find that people’s initial interest fades away, like a match that flares up and burns for a while before gradually dying away.  For a little while there you feel warm and thrilled but soon it’s cold and grey again.  It’s a little sad, but mostly just normality, I think.

I’ve probably said it before, but I have friends that I’ve known for many, many years and I’m lucky in that regard.  I don’t think I’m as close to any of them as I used to be, which is a shame.  I was once a part of a group of friends who always told each other everything.  We suffered through tough times and practically grew up together.  Now we’re older and busier with work and study, some of us have moved far away, some have lost contact altogether, some have changed and moved on to different things.  I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those people.  I hope they stay in my life as much as possible, and I hope the ones who have left return to me one day.

I crave something deeper, something meaningful, maybe something endless… Not that I can comprehend what ‘endless’ is anyway.

I wonder if others desire the same thing, or if it’s just me…?

<3 DarkSlinky.

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve slept properly.  I get a maximum of a few hours sleep a night, and when I do sleep, I continue to dream of horrific things in full detail.

I often dream of houses that are beautiful in the daytime, but when night falls there are things in the darkness that chase me and try to kill me, most often big, black monsters or rotting corpses.  I sometimes find myself having to defend myself while others just stand around and watch.  It sounds kind of childish, but when you’re dreaming these things in detail over an extended amount of time it can really eat away at your sanity.

I’ve had too many dreams to write about them all, but last night is a good example of the things I’ve been dreaming.  I warn you, don’t read them if you’re easily distressed, because they are graphic and quite disturbing.

I dreamt that the sun was bright and I was standing in the middle of an open area near a river, but my attention was focused on the eyes of a man I didn’t know.  They were full of fear and even though I wanted to understand why, he was silent.  It was like we were having a conversation with our eyes.  His face was inches from mine when the top half of his head suddenly burst open in an explosive-type-manner.  I felt his still warm blood splatter over me and run down my face.  All that was left in front of me was his slackened bottom-jaw and an unrecognisable, bright-red mass of flesh, teeth and bone.  The gore was almost unbearable.

I then dreamt that I was standing in a cold, small, grey room with a glass panel in one wall revealing another grey room.  There were people behind me, but they felt like shadows.  Through the glass panel I could see a muscular man in white pants strapped to a table, gagged and struggling to get free.  The room he was in began to fill with a thick, colourful liquid, like different kinds of jelly mixed in together.  The table the man was lying on then began to move him into a crucifix position, his arms outstretched.

I could feel the cold glass on my palm as I put my hand on the window.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  His eyes were full of fear.  He managed to get free of the gag, but not his bindings.  He began to scream as the liquid wrapped around his legs and I could see the flesh on his feet burning.  I was horrified and frantically began to look for a way to help him.  No one tried to stop me as I proceeded to enter the room through a series of metal doors.  The jelly-liquid immediately began to burn me, it was now waist-deep.  I rushed to help the man, fighting through my own pain and trying to ignore his anguished screams.  As I struggled to remove the straps around his arms I glanced around to see the shadowed faces were blank and emotionless.  I felt exasperated and weak as my body began to shut down and the world went black.

I don’t like not having control over what goes through my head, especially while I sleep.  Sleep is supposed to be restful, but at this point in time it just feels like torture.  I’m afraid to sleep in case I dream these disgusting things.  I’m also afraid of darkness, as ridiculous as it sounds.

At the moment I’m on-edge as well as physically and emotionally exhausted.  I feel like there are hard times ahead and I just hope I can maintain a sense of hope, especially while most of my friends are either far away or ignoring me for no good reason.

This song probably best portrays how I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks:
Slipknot – Vermillion Pt. 1.

In any case, I’m looking forward to settling in to my new job in the coming week.

I spent my first paycheque on Pokémon Heartgold for my brand new DS, which was bought for me by a very special man for my 20th birthday (even though it’s still a month away).  I’ve spent the lonely days and nights obsessing over it.  It cheers me up most of the time, I enjoy it a lot, and I feel like a true geek walking around with my Pokéwalker.

Maybe tonight I’ll sleep peacefully.  Here’s hoping.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Yeah, I’ve been drinking rum, eating chips and playing Starcraft 2 all night (What a life!).  I’m in a pretty crazy mood right now.

Anyway, the point is, I started work today.  It seems okay.

Seriously, why do people ask how work was?  What am I supposed to say when they ask me?  It’s not fantastic, I mean, I could be at home playing games.  It’s not boring either; I’m always busy doing something.  It’s work, it’s worky, that’s all there is to it, right?

I’ve had exes who would whinge when I didn’t ask them how work was, and now that I’m working I realise it was all an attention-seeking façade (Does that even make sense? I wanted to use a fancy word).  I didn’t complain when they didn’t ask me how university was; if I had something to say about it, I’d say it! </rant> Mind you, I still ask friends how work is going.  They (the males in particular) seem to like the attention, and I am interested to know.

I think part of the reason I’m in a crazy mood is because I haven’t slept properly for about a week now, or even longer.  I can’t really remember.  It’s pretty less-than-average.  If I’m lucky I’ll fall asleep around 2am or 3am and wake up at 6am.  I wouldn’t usually mind so much, except now when I do sleep, I dream vivid, messed-up nightmares.  Even if I take something to help me sleep, which I rarely do, it just means my nightmares are going to last longer and probably be more traumatic.

I’m pretty sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  I would write about these nightmares except some of them are kind of personal.  I might. I don’t know.  I’ll see.  Some of them would make for an interesting read, if it was written well (in my opinion anyway).

Maybe that’s what I could do – take my nightmares as inspiration for BOOKS.  Could I really be a novelist?  I get distracted by the littlest things…

Speaking of inspiration, I’m interested in someone (While proofreading this, I realised how perfect my timing was. “Distraction.. OH SHINEY!”).  Over the past few months I’ve met many men, got asked on many dates, even went on a few, but I think I’m pretty set on this one guy.  He seems really random, affectionate, interesting, down-to-earth and out of this world at the same time, just like me!

I’m not giving away too many details yet.  I intend to get to know this guy and see if we’re compatible as a couple before I consider a relationship with him.  I won’t be making the same mistakes again.

Ah, so many lessons learnt over the past few years.

I feel I am becoming a woman.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Interviewer:  “Are you currently employed?”
Me:  “No, I’m not.”
Interviewer:  “Are you 18?”
Me:  “I’m nearly 20.”
Interviewer:  “Do you have your driver’s licence?”
Me:  “Yes, and my own car.”
Interviewer:  “You’re well presented, well spoken and well mannered.  I’m going to offer you the job.”

I mean, I could be a well presented, well spoken and well mannered sociopathic criminal, couldn’t I?  (Don’t worry; I’m not one, as far as I know) Not that I’m complaining; a job is a job, and I now have one.

I picked up all the forms I needed on Sunday and submitted them first-ish thing Monday morning.  My induction was supposed to be today, but due to the fact I was apparently the only one who submitted their forms on time, the induction has been moved to next week.  I suppose I have the right to be angry about it but I’m a pretty easy going person.  At least they know I’m keen and reliable, and I know I won’t have much competition at work where responsibility is concerned.

So, after so many disheartening months of unsuccessful interviews, I’m finally in a situation with minimal stress.  Now the only question I find myself asking (besides, of course, how can I go about easily acquiring delicious bacon?) is what do I want to do with my life?  Why is it that the most complicated questions are able to be spelt out so simply?  Of course, it’s never as simple as it seems.

Despite the fact I’ve made a lot of new friends lately, I find myself feeling increasingly secluded.  I’m becoming an emotional hermit when I was once open and trusting (using the word ‘hermit’ makes me feel like I’m calling myself a crab, and I rather like it).  I think it’s because I don’t want to bore people with my tiresome concerns and issues.  Unless I’m asked directly, I figure people just don’t want to know, which is fair enough.  I can’t work out whether or not I like it this way, but least I get to see who really cares and who is just in it for the epic gaming sessions.

At this point in time, all of my friends are either busy all the time, live a long way away, are moving overseas, find it satisfying to completely avoid me for months at a time or all of the above.  As a result, I’m left with just myself and my precious little Chihuahua.  I can’t say she’s really the conversational type, though.  She’s more the ‘give me food and let me sit on your freshly washed clothes’ type.  At least she’s fluffy, cuddly and warm.

I’m looking forward to seeing my family on Saturday for my nephews 1st birthday.  At least I know that whatever happens with my friends, I’ll always have my parents, brothers and sisters.

I listen to people who describe their loved ones in ways that make me think, “I would love to have someone who described me in a similar way,” and I realised the other night that my family, my Dad in particular, talks about me in a way that makes me look admirable.  I know this because whenever I’m out with him and we come across his friends, they often say things like, “Oh, THIS is the daughter who loves cars?  You must be proud,” or “Congratulations on the new job!”  You know, in the sort of way that implies my Dad is a proud father.  Makes me feel comforted to know that no matter what I do, my Dad is proud of me.

The moral of the story is get out there and SHOW people when you care about them and admire them, because otherwise, how are they supposed to know?  Everyone is carrying some kind of burden and help is always appreciated.  Well, not always, but at least you know you’ve done the right thing.  I’ve been pretty slack in showing people I care lately, so I think I’ll make an effort to step it up.

Also, give me bacon.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Tonight I found myself in a situation where I was sitting at home by myself watching a movie and, strangely, I had no conversations going on MSN or steam or anything.  It was just me, with myself, and my thoughts.  I found it very amusing and gradually realised it’s not something I enjoy if it’s involuntary.  By that I mean, I enjoy being alone when I choose to be, but I find it unsettling when I’m alone for no good reason.  I’ve decided I’m going to have to learn to deal with it though, afterall, everyone needs to know how to be alone, right?

Anyway, I ended up bawling my eyes out while I watched Juno.  The first time I saw it, I really disliked it, but this time, I absolutely loved it. Go figure.  It’s like I didn’t really understand it before, and this time I made a real connection with it.  Haha, give me a break!  It’s my time of the month; I’m allowed to be an emotional wreck.

Speaking of which, it god damn hurts. Just so you know.  Today I got up at 6am, went back to bed at 11am, and got up again at 2pm.  I’m a drugged-up zombie.  I even walk around with a blank expression, drooling and moaning, pale as a ghost, looking for my pants.

Tomorrow I must make an effort to be less of a zombie, considering I have a job interview.   I’ve been applying for jobs for months and haven’t heard anything, and when I decide to give up for a week while I’m sore, I get a surprise interview handed to me on a silver platter.  What’s the moral of the story, you ask?  Give up, and take whatever is offered to you.  (Something doesn’t seem right here..?)  I really hope this interview goes well.  No doubt there will be a million other applicants, so I must try my very best to be an energetic and enthusiastic little zombie.

Starcraft 2 is awesome, by the way.  I’ve had a few matches against both bots and people and tonight was the first time I won against people.  It’s so much more fun when you actually notice that you’re improving.  (Does that even make sense? I’m so out of it…) I intend to continue developing my RTS skills.

Time to attempt to sleep.

<3  DarkSlinky.