DarkSlinky

Your entire life can change in a split second.  It’s incredible to stand and watch as one of these potentially life-changing moments passes you by in clear view before you even realise the true scale of what just occurred.

The other night I dreamt about one of the life-threatening situations from my childhood in full detail.  It wasn’t like my usual nightmares; I’d say it was more like reliving a traumatic memory.  I find the two affect me differently.  Nightmares freak me out while reliving memories makes me think, “Oh, yes, I remember that.”  Coincidentally, the day after the dream I was in another life-threatening situation (if that’s what you want to call it, anyway).  It’s not as exciting as it sounds, but interesting-ish nonetheless.

Someone ran a red light and nearly t-boned the passenger side of my car doing 60 – 70km/hr, maybe more.  I had 3 friends in the car and they all saw it, he only missed us by a metre or two.  We were mid-conversation when we all realised what had happened, and how close we came to being in a very serious and potentially deadly car accident.  At first we laughed and then I was in absolute shock as I realised just how important my job is as the driver of the vehicle.  Driving responsibly is important, but it’s far more important to be able to make split second decisions and react when someone else does something stupid.

Speaking of split-second decisions, I got a puppy last week on the same day that I had to see my ex-ex-boyfriend.  It was like being stabbed with delicious candy.  It’s sweetly satisfying coupled with a dull kind of stinging, also slightly humorous and exceedingly amusing (does this make any sense whatsoever?).   I had to drop stuff off to my ex, so after a civilised conversation on MSN I decided to stop at his house on the way to pick up my new puppy.

When I arrived at his house, my ex was in his bedroom playing games with his roommate (whose computer was near to where I was standing).  The roommate went into to my exes’ bedroom to let him know I had arrived and, little did either of them know, my exes’ microphone was on and I could hear everything my ex said through his roommates’ computer.  It was something along the lines of, “Oh….. Crap.”  I don’t think they understood why I was laughing when they emerged.  Anyway, as I handed his stuff to him I noticed he was wearing a tight singlet and he proceeded to flex his muscles and deepen his voice to the point where I was finding it nearly impossible not to collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter.  There are a few ways in which I could describe it but they’re not exactly nice (“Bulbous toothpick” comes to mind) and we all know how mature I am….. Hahahahaha.

I then went to pick up my puppy feeling highly amused and much less like I had just been stabbed.  Her name is Gracie; she’s a 3-month-old, pure-bred Chihuahua and is already bigger than my 13-year-old Marsypan.  They don’t get along a lot of the time because Gracie is young and playful and Mars is old and cranky, but it seems like they’re gradually getting used to each other.  There is much training to be done!

I have been working a lot and I have a cursed cold.  I’m very tired so it’s definitely time for me to crash.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I learnt something today.

“What doesn’t kill us, defines us.”

It’s interesting, isn’t it?  I think it’s very true.  The way people react to anything, whether it’s something big or small, reveals what sort of person they really are.

I like to think I’m a good person.  I may be stubborn as hell, clumsy and a master of procrastination, but I’m pretty level-headed (when it comes to other people, anyway).  I’m not easily angered and I don’t hold grudges.  I’m overly emotional but, as someone pointed out, it’s not exactly a weakness.  The same person told me I’m inspirational, though what I would inspire in someone, I don’t know.

I had quite a few of my family and friends contact me after my last blog post asking me if I was okay.  I didn’t realise how many people actually read my blog, let alone how worried I had made them.  It definitely was a rough patch but it didn’t last long and I’m a tough cookie (…Mmmm.. cookie).  I’m much more emotionally stable now and hopefully things remain that way, but I’m prepared if I started to slide again.

I’ve realised over the past few days just how much people care about me, which has really helped me to pick up again.  In hindsight it was ridiculous of me to think I was so alone, but that’s just how it goes, I guess.  I will probably feel secluded again if I end up in the same situation.  Unfortunately it’s something I can’t control.

I can now think of at least 10 people off the top of my head who have told me they keep me in their thoughts or have gone out of their way to help me.  I haven’t even met most of them but I love them dearly and intend to meet them all one day.

I think I’m rambling.  I’ll probably read this tomorrow and facepalm.

I’m really tired after a whole 4 hours of work… hurr.

On a random note, I have a piece of bone trying to emerge from my gum.  It’s cut up, swollen and incredibly sore.  I also suspect I’m getting a cold.  Yeah, I’m pretty out of it.  Must be time to numb my mouth and go to bed.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I’ve finally had a few nights of proper sleep.  It only took… well, ages.   Feels like months to me but I guess it was about 2 or 3 weeks.  Hopefully my brain makes a habit of not forcing me to enter into twisted, thriller-style storylines every time I try to sleep.

I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, relationships in particular.  Not just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but friendships too.

I realised tonight what I really miss about having been in a long-term relationship is having a friend who you can confide everything in.  It’s special to have someone who knows you inside-out, someone who won’t judge you, someone who knows what to say or what to do to comfort you.  Someone you can talk to for hours about your insights or your worries and they want to know more.  It’s a shame these things tend to wither with time, whether it be hours or decades.

I guess I just feel like there’s a lot on my mind and no one really has the time or interest to listen, which I think is fair enough.  I’m not angry or bitter, as always, I just feel lonely and I hope in the future I have someone in my life who will take me for all that I am and love me unconditionally.

I’m always so fascinated with other people’s life stories.  I could listen for hours as people tell me about their secrets from the past, their fears for the present and their hopes for the future.

I had someone asking me about my life a few nights ago and he told me I was an amazing and unique person.  It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, which makes me feel like I’ve got something special to share with the world.  Maybe they’re wrong, though.  I find that people’s initial interest fades away, like a match that flares up and burns for a while before gradually dying away.  For a little while there you feel warm and thrilled but soon it’s cold and grey again.  It’s a little sad, but mostly just normality, I think.

I’ve probably said it before, but I have friends that I’ve known for many, many years and I’m lucky in that regard.  I don’t think I’m as close to any of them as I used to be, which is a shame.  I was once a part of a group of friends who always told each other everything.  We suffered through tough times and practically grew up together.  Now we’re older and busier with work and study, some of us have moved far away, some have lost contact altogether, some have changed and moved on to different things.  I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those people.  I hope they stay in my life as much as possible, and I hope the ones who have left return to me one day.

I crave something deeper, something meaningful, maybe something endless… Not that I can comprehend what ‘endless’ is anyway.

I wonder if others desire the same thing, or if it’s just me…?

<3 DarkSlinky.