DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Ex-boyfriend’

The other day was incredible.  I was out and about, driving around, hardly paying attention to the road because the sky looked like it was ALIVE.  I may sound crazy, but it was one of those really nice sunshiney days AND there were random streaks of big, black clouds of death randomly sweeping across the sky in a wave-like fashion.  I was in absolute awe.

Yeah, I’ve been drinking rum, eating chips and playing Starcraft 2 all night (What a life!).  I’m in a pretty crazy mood right now.

Anyway, the point is, I started work today.  It seems okay.

Seriously, why do people ask how work was?  What am I supposed to say when they ask me?  It’s not fantastic, I mean, I could be at home playing games.  It’s not boring either; I’m always busy doing something.  It’s work, it’s worky, that’s all there is to it, right?

I’ve had exes who would whinge when I didn’t ask them how work was, and now that I’m working I realise it was all an attention-seeking façade (Does that even make sense? I wanted to use a fancy word).  I didn’t complain when they didn’t ask me how university was; if I had something to say about it, I’d say it! </rant> Mind you, I still ask friends how work is going.  They (the males in particular) seem to like the attention, and I am interested to know.

I think part of the reason I’m in a crazy mood is because I haven’t slept properly for about a week now, or even longer.  I can’t really remember.  It’s pretty less-than-average.  If I’m lucky I’ll fall asleep around 2am or 3am and wake up at 6am.  I wouldn’t usually mind so much, except now when I do sleep, I dream vivid, messed-up nightmares.  Even if I take something to help me sleep, which I rarely do, it just means my nightmares are going to last longer and probably be more traumatic.

I’m pretty sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  I would write about these nightmares except some of them are kind of personal.  I might. I don’t know.  I’ll see.  Some of them would make for an interesting read, if it was written well (in my opinion anyway).

Maybe that’s what I could do – take my nightmares as inspiration for BOOKS.  Could I really be a novelist?  I get distracted by the littlest things…

Speaking of inspiration, I’m interested in someone (While proofreading this, I realised how perfect my timing was. “Distraction.. OH SHINEY!”).  Over the past few months I’ve met many men, got asked on many dates, even went on a few, but I think I’m pretty set on this one guy.  He seems really random, affectionate, interesting, down-to-earth and out of this world at the same time, just like me!

I’m not giving away too many details yet.  I intend to get to know this guy and see if we’re compatible as a couple before I consider a relationship with him.  I won’t be making the same mistakes again.

Ah, so many lessons learnt over the past few years.

I feel I am becoming a woman.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I dreamt that I was at a PT (parent/teacher) night at my primary school.

As a side note, PT nights have formed some of my most treasured memories because they were so insanely fun.  Back in the day the teachers used to lock the children in a classroom separate from, but near to, the adults.  We were given activities to keep us amused in order to give the parents and teachers some peace, but we’d all just climb out the window and run amuck in the playground with torches.

So in the dream my friends and I were adults but we were running around with torches like the primary school children, having the time of our lives.  The playground was just how I remember it being at night; very dark, cold and eerie in a thrilling kind of way, especially with people running around everywhere.

At one point my ex-boyfriend, Liam, turned up and started trying to flirt with me.  He was very short and fat and had curly, blonde hair.  My heart was racing and I felt unnerved, but I played along with it and eventually he left.

I ran into a particular area of the school known as “The Forest,” because it was full of trees, and my friend Emma was in there with a make-up box.  I asked her if I could use it to make myself prettier, and she agreed before running off to join the mayhem that surrounded us.  I spent about 10 minutes making one of my eyes look gorgeous using different colours and paintbrushes.  I then, for some reason, decided to leave my other eye plain.  I think I was getting bored and I wanted to join in the fun again.

After a while I came across my ex-boyfriend again, still short and fat, and I was glad because this time one of my eyes was so pretty and worth admiring.  He was behaving like a complete jerk; ignoring me and making rude remarks, so I left feeling confused and hurt.

I found myself standing alone on “The Oval,” which was where a fireworks explosion that stole the life of a young girl had taken place many years ago.  I felt saddened as I remembered that horrific night before I noticed my friends Nicki, Emma and Lynnette were standing on a hill nearby.  I went to join them and after a while of talking they went across the oval and I turned and headed towards the street, where a big red bus was waiting for me.

I got in the bus and the driver was the same bus driver we had on a school camp years ago.  His name was Garfield and he was awesome.  Without warning he started driving the bus as though we were being chased, or like a regular bus driver in Hong Kong or China.

Then I woke up.

I had another disturbingly vivid dream last night and I remember most of it quite clearly but I’ll probably write about that another time, I just wanted to do a quick update.

I’m feeling very sleepy at the moment, but it’s been about a week and a half since I left Gavin and I’ve just realised the numbness I’ve felt for the past few months has started to fade.

I’ve started to really enjoy every day, simply spending time with friends and getting up to mischief.  Despite my parents being quite negative towards me lately, I feel very hopeful about the future.  I know the next few weeks are going to be really memorable with the opening of the Mana Bar this Saturday.

I feel motivated to find a job and get my house organised again.  I don’t feel so motivated to look into university but I think that’s mainly because my parents are discouraging me to enrol in the course I’m interested in, which is a Bachelor of Education.  My sister decided to tell them teachers have the highest suicide rate of anyone and I think my parents have freaked out.  I think they’re underestimating me though.  Teaching is something I’m passionate about and my background in Psychology would definitely come in handy.

Dad:  “Do you really want to be a teacher? I reckon it’d be a horrible job, dealing with kids these days… :\”
Me:  “Someone has got to do it. ”

I expect some days I’ll still feel down and unmotivated, but I’m so happy to be ‘feeling’ again; everything from happiness, sadness, anger, pain, hope, motivation, jealousy, amusement… the list goes on and on and it’s all great. (I just thought I’d list the emotions I’ve felt recently, quite random..)

<3 to all my friends who stuck by me despite my whinging over the past few weeks… Haha.

Time to pick up again.

I’ve also been enjoying getting to know my Team Fortress 2 clan, Pants Party, better.  Alex and I met another Brisbane member a few weeks ago.  In the coming weeks I’ll hopefully get to meet the rest of the Brisbane Pants Party guys as well as the few members who are flying in to Brisbane from various places in April.  It’s going to be so epic! >:3

I’ve realised the music I listen to definitely reflects the way I’m feeling.  The past few months I’ve been listening to Slipknot, Evanescence and System of a Down quite obsessively, but now I’m obsessed with Pendulum.  Check it ouuut:  Pendulum – The other side.

Lovelovelovelove!

<3 DarkSlinky.