What did I do, you ask?

I won the first cosplay competition I’ve ever entered, that’s what, dressed as the Scout from Team Fortress 2.

A few months ago at a housewarming party a friend of a friend of mine suggested we all get a group of people together and go to Brisbane’s 2011 Supanova as the Red Team from Team Fortress 2.  We joked around about it, discussed who could potentially play what character and decided to go for it.  It was decided I would be the Scout.

As the weeks went by we planned and collaborated via e-mail, everyone working on their own clothes and weapons and gradually we began to resemble the red team – everything minus the spy and the pyro unfortunately.

When the day finally came we all got up early so we could arrive at Supanova with plenty of time to spare.  We queued for over an hour to get in, and then queued to sign up for the cosplay competition, some of us reluctantly, thinking it was too much effort and we couldn’t possibly win despite how happy we were with our costumes.

After two or more hours waiting to go on stage, our opportunity to present our costumes finally arrived.  I didn’t realise it was going to be in front of such a big crowd, but the cheer was enormous.  We all ran out on stage, the soldier first as he yelled “GO, GO, GO!”

Above our heads they had a screen with “They’re all spies!” as we stood there posing, waiting, watching the host stare at us in awe, as the heavy spun his mini-gun barrel.  This caught the hosts’ attention and he immediately moved down the line to talk to him first.

Host (to heavy):  “How did you make this gun?”
Heavy (in Russian accent):  “Engie is credit to team.”
Host (to engie):  “So, you tell me, how was the gun made?”
Engie (in American accent):  “I took a gun, and I added more gun.”

The crowd loved it.

The host then proceeded down the line, asking my team questions and all of them remaining in character.  I was ready with an answer, but he unfortunately skipped the last couple of us and went back to addressing the crowd.  The soldier then waved his arm, yelled, “ROLL OUT!” and we marched off stage, the crowd cheering behind us.

My boyfriend, who was dressed as the sniper, wanted to go and buy more stuff from the stalls but I told him I wanted to stay for the results, even though I doubted we would win.   I told him he could go by himself, which he did, but the venue with the stalls was closed and he came straight back which was kind of lucky.

When the results were finally announced, at first they said we had come second, which we were stoked with.  Then they said there had been a mistake and we hadn’t come second, which was disappointing, until they announced we had actually come first for the group cosplay.

It was a long, hot day with a lot of queuing, waiting and literally thousands of photos taken by hundreds of both strangers and friends, but it was so worth it.

Thanks to my amazing team.  I love you guys.

Now to plan for next year’s competition…

<3 DarkSlinky.

Team Fortress 2 Red Team

On the stage, from left to right: Engie, heavy, medic, demoman, sniper, scout, heavy, host.

Soldier, heavy, scout, sniper. Taken by Kohanna Photography.

I will try my best to summarise my recent series of events.

I had two friends from Pants Party Perth fly to Brisbane for a week to surprise me for my birthday.  It was one of the best surprises I’ve ever had.  I find it so challenging to express how grateful I am with mere words.  Little do they know, these boys supported me through some really difficult times, and to meet them was like meeting my heroes.

We had a fantastic week together, during which I turned 20 years old.  (Happy birthday to me!) I had two gatherings for my birthday; the first was a small gathering with the boys from Perth on my actual birthday and the second was a big gathering which we VIP’d the Mana Bar for.  My friends and I wore Sailor Scout costumes we sewed ourselves for both parties, which looked great, if I don’t say so myself.

After the second, bigger gathering, some ‘interesting’ (such a vague word, I love it) events occurred that resulted in me breaking things off with the guy I was seeing.  My close friends and the people who were there know what happened, and it’s not really a big deal.  Point is that it’s over, but for now we’re still in contact.

In the meantime, I’m being chased by guys once again.  This is not a bragging point.  I greatly dislike being hounded and sought after.  I’ve said the same thing over and over; I’m interested only in friendship for now.  If I am interested in a guy, I will chase them myself, because I enjoy the challenge and can do it at my own pace.  At the same time though, I’ve made some good friends, the kind I hope to keep… Endrant (I invent the coolest new words…).

Apparently I made a good impression, because in 2 weeks I leave Brisbane to stay with my Perth friends for a month.  I’m counting down the days until I leave this crazy city and start my wonderful holiday.  I will probably update my website from there if I get time.

I’m at the level of tiredness where I can barely keep my eyes open, strange considering it’s not even 1am.  Usually I stay up much later.

I will upload photos soon, if I remember to.

<3 DarkSlinky.

The other night I dreamt about one of the life-threatening situations from my childhood in full detail.  It wasn’t like my usual nightmares; I’d say it was more like reliving a traumatic memory.  I find the two affect me differently.  Nightmares freak me out while reliving memories makes me think, “Oh, yes, I remember that.”  Coincidentally, the day after the dream I was in another life-threatening situation (if that’s what you want to call it, anyway).  It’s not as exciting as it sounds, but interesting-ish nonetheless.

Someone ran a red light and nearly t-boned the passenger side of my car doing 60 – 70km/hr, maybe more.  I had 3 friends in the car and they all saw it, he only missed us by a metre or two.  We were mid-conversation when we all realised what had happened, and how close we came to being in a very serious and potentially deadly car accident.  At first we laughed and then I was in absolute shock as I realised just how important my job is as the driver of the vehicle.  Driving responsibly is important, but it’s far more important to be able to make split second decisions and react when someone else does something stupid.

Speaking of split-second decisions, I got a puppy last week on the same day that I had to see my ex-ex-boyfriend.  It was like being stabbed with delicious candy.  It’s sweetly satisfying coupled with a dull kind of stinging, also slightly humorous and exceedingly amusing (does this make any sense whatsoever?).   I had to drop stuff off to my ex, so after a civilised conversation on MSN I decided to stop at his house on the way to pick up my new puppy.

When I arrived at his house, my ex was in his bedroom playing games with his roommate (whose computer was near to where I was standing).  The roommate went into to my exes’ bedroom to let him know I had arrived and, little did either of them know, my exes’ microphone was on and I could hear everything my ex said through his roommates’ computer.  It was something along the lines of, “Oh….. Crap.”  I don’t think they understood why I was laughing when they emerged.  Anyway, as I handed his stuff to him I noticed he was wearing a tight singlet and he proceeded to flex his muscles and deepen his voice to the point where I was finding it nearly impossible not to collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter.  There are a few ways in which I could describe it but they’re not exactly nice (“Bulbous toothpick” comes to mind) and we all know how mature I am….. Hahahahaha.

I then went to pick up my puppy feeling highly amused and much less like I had just been stabbed.  Her name is Gracie; she’s a 3-month-old, pure-bred Chihuahua and is already bigger than my 13-year-old Marsypan.  They don’t get along a lot of the time because Gracie is young and playful and Mars is old and cranky, but it seems like they’re gradually getting used to each other.  There is much training to be done!

I have been working a lot and I have a cursed cold.  I’m very tired so it’s definitely time for me to crash.

<3 DarkSlinky.

“What doesn’t kill us, defines us.”

It’s interesting, isn’t it?  I think it’s very true.  The way people react to anything, whether it’s something big or small, reveals what sort of person they really are.

I like to think I’m a good person.  I may be stubborn as hell, clumsy and a master of procrastination, but I’m pretty level-headed (when it comes to other people, anyway).  I’m not easily angered and I don’t hold grudges.  I’m overly emotional but, as someone pointed out, it’s not exactly a weakness.  The same person told me I’m inspirational, though what I would inspire in someone, I don’t know.

I had quite a few of my family and friends contact me after my last blog post asking me if I was okay.  I didn’t realise how many people actually read my blog, let alone how worried I had made them.  It definitely was a rough patch but it didn’t last long and I’m a tough cookie (…Mmmm.. cookie).  I’m much more emotionally stable now and hopefully things remain that way, but I’m prepared if I started to slide again.

I’ve realised over the past few days just how much people care about me, which has really helped me to pick up again.  In hindsight it was ridiculous of me to think I was so alone, but that’s just how it goes, I guess.  I will probably feel secluded again if I end up in the same situation.  Unfortunately it’s something I can’t control.

I can now think of at least 10 people off the top of my head who have told me they keep me in their thoughts or have gone out of their way to help me.  I haven’t even met most of them but I love them dearly and intend to meet them all one day.

I think I’m rambling.  I’ll probably read this tomorrow and facepalm.

I’m really tired after a whole 4 hours of work… hurr.

On a random note, I have a piece of bone trying to emerge from my gum.  It’s cut up, swollen and incredibly sore.  I also suspect I’m getting a cold.  Yeah, I’m pretty out of it.  Must be time to numb my mouth and go to bed.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Interviewer:  “Are you currently employed?”
Me:  “No, I’m not.”
Interviewer:  “Are you 18?”
Me:  “I’m nearly 20.”
Interviewer:  “Do you have your driver’s licence?”
Me:  “Yes, and my own car.”
Interviewer:  “You’re well presented, well spoken and well mannered.  I’m going to offer you the job.”

I mean, I could be a well presented, well spoken and well mannered sociopathic criminal, couldn’t I?  (Don’t worry; I’m not one, as far as I know) Not that I’m complaining; a job is a job, and I now have one.

I picked up all the forms I needed on Sunday and submitted them first-ish thing Monday morning.  My induction was supposed to be today, but due to the fact I was apparently the only one who submitted their forms on time, the induction has been moved to next week.  I suppose I have the right to be angry about it but I’m a pretty easy going person.  At least they know I’m keen and reliable, and I know I won’t have much competition at work where responsibility is concerned.

So, after so many disheartening months of unsuccessful interviews, I’m finally in a situation with minimal stress.  Now the only question I find myself asking (besides, of course, how can I go about easily acquiring delicious bacon?) is what do I want to do with my life?  Why is it that the most complicated questions are able to be spelt out so simply?  Of course, it’s never as simple as it seems.

Despite the fact I’ve made a lot of new friends lately, I find myself feeling increasingly secluded.  I’m becoming an emotional hermit when I was once open and trusting (using the word ‘hermit’ makes me feel like I’m calling myself a crab, and I rather like it).  I think it’s because I don’t want to bore people with my tiresome concerns and issues.  Unless I’m asked directly, I figure people just don’t want to know, which is fair enough.  I can’t work out whether or not I like it this way, but least I get to see who really cares and who is just in it for the epic gaming sessions.

At this point in time, all of my friends are either busy all the time, live a long way away, are moving overseas, find it satisfying to completely avoid me for months at a time or all of the above.  As a result, I’m left with just myself and my precious little Chihuahua.  I can’t say she’s really the conversational type, though.  She’s more the ‘give me food and let me sit on your freshly washed clothes’ type.  At least she’s fluffy, cuddly and warm.

I’m looking forward to seeing my family on Saturday for my nephews 1st birthday.  At least I know that whatever happens with my friends, I’ll always have my parents, brothers and sisters.

I listen to people who describe their loved ones in ways that make me think, “I would love to have someone who described me in a similar way,” and I realised the other night that my family, my Dad in particular, talks about me in a way that makes me look admirable.  I know this because whenever I’m out with him and we come across his friends, they often say things like, “Oh, THIS is the daughter who loves cars?  You must be proud,” or “Congratulations on the new job!”  You know, in the sort of way that implies my Dad is a proud father.  Makes me feel comforted to know that no matter what I do, my Dad is proud of me.

The moral of the story is get out there and SHOW people when you care about them and admire them, because otherwise, how are they supposed to know?  Everyone is carrying some kind of burden and help is always appreciated.  Well, not always, but at least you know you’ve done the right thing.  I’ve been pretty slack in showing people I care lately, so I think I’ll make an effort to step it up.

Also, give me bacon.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I was on a school camp and my friends and I decided to explore the resort.  We were going up and down in the elevators, looking at the different floors and getting lost, as you do in dreams that don’t really make a lot of sense.

After we found our room we decided to cause some mischief and my friend, Lynnette, managed to steal one of the cleaners ID cards; the kind they use to operate the workers elevators.  We were playing in those elevators for a while before we arrived at the lobby again.  I wandered off, admiring the lobby, and when I turned around, I realised my friends had jumped back in the elevator.  I ran after them but the doors closed just before I got there.

I stood there pushing the elevator button, feeling alone and not wanting to be separated from my friends, when the doors opened and there stood a group of cleaners eyeing me suspiciously.  I exclaimed that I was lost before walking back towards the lobby, where I came across a teacher from my high school and a few students from my primary school.  The teacher asked me what I was doing and I replied with, “Nothing… Emma, Nicki, Lynnette and I just got lost,” before I walked away, worried about my friends.

Then I woke up.

As a side note, PT nights have formed some of my most treasured memories because they were so insanely fun.  Back in the day the teachers used to lock the children in a classroom separate from, but near to, the adults.  We were given activities to keep us amused in order to give the parents and teachers some peace, but we’d all just climb out the window and run amuck in the playground with torches.

So in the dream my friends and I were adults but we were running around with torches like the primary school children, having the time of our lives.  The playground was just how I remember it being at night; very dark, cold and eerie in a thrilling kind of way, especially with people running around everywhere.

At one point my ex-boyfriend, Liam, turned up and started trying to flirt with me.  He was very short and fat and had curly, blonde hair.  My heart was racing and I felt unnerved, but I played along with it and eventually he left.

I ran into a particular area of the school known as “The Forest,” because it was full of trees, and my friend Emma was in there with a make-up box.  I asked her if I could use it to make myself prettier, and she agreed before running off to join the mayhem that surrounded us.  I spent about 10 minutes making one of my eyes look gorgeous using different colours and paintbrushes.  I then, for some reason, decided to leave my other eye plain.  I think I was getting bored and I wanted to join in the fun again.

After a while I came across my ex-boyfriend again, still short and fat, and I was glad because this time one of my eyes was so pretty and worth admiring.  He was behaving like a complete jerk; ignoring me and making rude remarks, so I left feeling confused and hurt.

I found myself standing alone on “The Oval,” which was where a fireworks explosion that stole the life of a young girl had taken place many years ago.  I felt saddened as I remembered that horrific night before I noticed my friends Nicki, Emma and Lynnette were standing on a hill nearby.  I went to join them and after a while of talking they went across the oval and I turned and headed towards the street, where a big red bus was waiting for me.

I got in the bus and the driver was the same bus driver we had on a school camp years ago.  His name was Garfield and he was awesome.  Without warning he started driving the bus as though we were being chased, or like a regular bus driver in Hong Kong or China.

Then I woke up.

I’m feeling very sleepy at the moment, but it’s been about a week and a half since I left Gavin and I’ve just realised the numbness I’ve felt for the past few months has started to fade.

I’ve started to really enjoy every day, simply spending time with friends and getting up to mischief.  Despite my parents being quite negative towards me lately, I feel very hopeful about the future.  I know the next few weeks are going to be really memorable with the opening of the Mana Bar this Saturday.

I feel motivated to find a job and get my house organised again.  I don’t feel so motivated to look into university but I think that’s mainly because my parents are discouraging me to enrol in the course I’m interested in, which is a Bachelor of Education.  My sister decided to tell them teachers have the highest suicide rate of anyone and I think my parents have freaked out.  I think they’re underestimating me though.  Teaching is something I’m passionate about and my background in Psychology would definitely come in handy.

Dad:  “Do you really want to be a teacher? I reckon it’d be a horrible job, dealing with kids these days… :\”
Me:  “Someone has got to do it. ”

I expect some days I’ll still feel down and unmotivated, but I’m so happy to be ‘feeling’ again; everything from happiness, sadness, anger, pain, hope, motivation, jealousy, amusement… the list goes on and on and it’s all great. (I just thought I’d list the emotions I’ve felt recently, quite random..)

<3 to all my friends who stuck by me despite my whinging over the past few weeks… Haha.

Time to pick up again.

I’ve also been enjoying getting to know my Team Fortress 2 clan, Pants Party, better.  Alex and I met another Brisbane member a few weeks ago.  In the coming weeks I’ll hopefully get to meet the rest of the Brisbane Pants Party guys as well as the few members who are flying in to Brisbane from various places in April.  It’s going to be so epic! >:3

I’ve realised the music I listen to definitely reflects the way I’m feeling.  The past few months I’ve been listening to Slipknot, Evanescence and System of a Down quite obsessively, but now I’m obsessed with Pendulum.  Check it ouuut:  Pendulum – The other side.

Lovelovelovelove!

<3 DarkSlinky.

I dreamt that my friends; Nicki, Lynnette, Emma and I were looking for a hotel in a swampy forest where night was falling fast.  Once the sun had set we were surrounded by crocodiles with no escape because all the trees were strange, unclimbable shapes.

My friend Lynnette got torn apart and eaten while the rest of us managed to climb up a stumpy tree but we knew that soon the crocodiles would be able to get us.  I slipped and fell out of the tree but I decided not to climb back up with my friends because without me in the tree, the branch we were sitting on wasn’t weighed down so much and my friends were safer.

I managed to run to another tree, but once I reached the other tree I realised that the back door of the hotel we were trying to find originally wasn’t far away, so I made a run for the open doorway.  I made it inside and slammed the door behind me.

I remember the light had a yellowish tinge, as if the lights in the room were aged.  I turned from the door and looked around the room.  It was of simple, old-fashioned design with fancy leather couches and wooden tables.  It had a warm atmosphere on the surface but a strange, cold feeling underneath the warmth.  There was some sort of party going on and everyone was dressed up with masks; no one was smiling, everyone was staring at me in a sort of blank disappointment.

I was in a panic, terrified for the lives of my friends.  I recognised one of the people as my mother and I remember being able to compose myself and swiftly collect my thoughts, because I figured people wouldn’t listen to a crazy person ranting about crocodiles.  I began to calmly ask people for help, saying things like, “The crocodiles – they’ve come to the hotel.  My friends are trapped in a tree outside, we must save them or they’ll die. We don’t have much time. Please help me,” but the people just turned away, went back to their party, and I felt abandoned.  I didn’t know who to turn to and I think I found a gun and decided to try save my friends myself.

My dream then changed and I was in an expensive, top-floor room of the same hotel with girls I didn’t know, but had seemed to know all my life.  The room felt plush and warm.  While the girls explored the bedroom for goodies I decided to go through the bathroom.  I remember looking forward to being able to have a soak in the bath because I was still covered in mud from the crocodile infested swamp.  The detail of the bathroom in my dream was stunning…  I might have to draw it before I forget it.

My dream then changed again and I was on the bottom floor of a modern hotel overlooking a lifeless, rain-swept city; both the room and the city were cold and grey.  I was standing on the veranda, contemplating the world when two warm arms wrapped around me and the conversation was as follows (I recognised who it was by the voice)…

Gavin:  “Isn’t it stunning?”
Me:  “I suppose… but why did you pick a room on the bottom floor?”
Gavin:  “I thought it would be easier to go out and less work to bring the bags up.  Besides, I prefer the bottom floor.”
Me:  “Mmmm…”

All I could think was how I wish someone would think about what I want for once, rather than think about what they think I should want.  Gavin then faded before I could look at him and I was left there alone, wondering absently if I had done something wrong.

Interesting, huh…?

I shall have to ponder what different things in my dreams symbolise.  I love analysing dreams.

Perhaps I’ll dream again tonight…

<3 DarkSlinky.

Just so you know, my brain isn’t exactly working tonight.  I know what I want to say but every time I type it, it doesn’t seem to make sense.  My train of thought is very disjointed, so I apologise in advance if something doesn’t make sense.

It feels like I’m stuck in a cycle of bliss, contentedness and misery that seems to work on what I like to think of as a ‘trigger-system’.  By that I mean that if I feel happy I think it’s only a matter of time until something goes wrong, and if I feel sad I think I just have to wait for something to go right.  It could take a few hours or a few days.  How sad I feel doesn’t affect the time span; I can be either very distressed or just feeling mildly disconnected, like I do now.

I realise it’s completely irrational to be feeling upset when things are going well.  I think I’m feeling this way now because I’m emotionally and physically exhausted.  My back has now been aching for 12 days and I’ve had very little sleep in that time.

I’m also very nervous about my job interview tomorrow.  I’m really looking forward to it and I feel excited about the fact that I’ve found the beginning of the road I want to walk down and I don’t feel completely lost.

However, this afternoon I was talking to one of my friends who had been trying to help motivate me since my break-up.  He asked me where my job interview was, and when I told him, he had the nerve to say, and I quote, “Get a real job.”  I felt deeply offended and disheartened, even if he was just ‘joking’, which I don’t think he was because when I tried to explain why I’m passionate about this line of work, he told me working at the local supermarket would be more of a ‘job’.

What the hell?  Apparently teaching parents, babies and children about pool safety that could very well save their lives one day is a waste of time.  It also means I’m a ‘babysitter’ and not a ‘teacher’.

What-ev-er.

The other issue I have at the moment is that I’ve found out a few of my close friends are moving away.  Emma already lives in New Zealand and I have two more friends who are moving overseas to be with people they love; one to the US and one to the UK.  On the one hand, I can go visit them and see more of the world, but I’ll still miss them dearly…

A good representation of how I’m feeling now would be a song most people would know quite well, Evanescence – Going under.

My next blog will either be ecstatic or bleh, I imagine… you know, as opposed to all the other things it could be.

Haha. Oh, I amuse myself.

<3 DarkSlinky.