DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘HeartGold’

For someone who has got a job and made their family proud I’ve had a pretty crappy few weeks.

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve slept properly.  I get a maximum of a few hours sleep a night, and when I do sleep, I continue to dream of horrific things in full detail.

I often dream of houses that are beautiful in the daytime, but when night falls there are things in the darkness that chase me and try to kill me, most often big, black monsters or rotting corpses.  I sometimes find myself having to defend myself while others just stand around and watch.  It sounds kind of childish, but when you’re dreaming these things in detail over an extended amount of time it can really eat away at your sanity.

I’ve had too many dreams to write about them all, but last night is a good example of the things I’ve been dreaming.  I warn you, don’t read them if you’re easily distressed, because they are graphic and quite disturbing.

I dreamt that the sun was bright and I was standing in the middle of an open area near a river, but my attention was focused on the eyes of a man I didn’t know.  They were full of fear and even though I wanted to understand why, he was silent.  It was like we were having a conversation with our eyes.  His face was inches from mine when the top half of his head suddenly burst open in an explosive-type-manner.  I felt his still warm blood splatter over me and run down my face.  All that was left in front of me was his slackened bottom-jaw and an unrecognisable, bright-red mass of flesh, teeth and bone.  The gore was almost unbearable.

I then dreamt that I was standing in a cold, small, grey room with a glass panel in one wall revealing another grey room.  There were people behind me, but they felt like shadows.  Through the glass panel I could see a muscular man in white pants strapped to a table, gagged and struggling to get free.  The room he was in began to fill with a thick, colourful liquid, like different kinds of jelly mixed in together.  The table the man was lying on then began to move him into a crucifix position, his arms outstretched.

I could feel the cold glass on my palm as I put my hand on the window.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  His eyes were full of fear.  He managed to get free of the gag, but not his bindings.  He began to scream as the liquid wrapped around his legs and I could see the flesh on his feet burning.  I was horrified and frantically began to look for a way to help him.  No one tried to stop me as I proceeded to enter the room through a series of metal doors.  The jelly-liquid immediately began to burn me, it was now waist-deep.  I rushed to help the man, fighting through my own pain and trying to ignore his anguished screams.  As I struggled to remove the straps around his arms I glanced around to see the shadowed faces were blank and emotionless.  I felt exasperated and weak as my body began to shut down and the world went black.

I don’t like not having control over what goes through my head, especially while I sleep.  Sleep is supposed to be restful, but at this point in time it just feels like torture.  I’m afraid to sleep in case I dream these disgusting things.  I’m also afraid of darkness, as ridiculous as it sounds.

At the moment I’m on-edge as well as physically and emotionally exhausted.  I feel like there are hard times ahead and I just hope I can maintain a sense of hope, especially while most of my friends are either far away or ignoring me for no good reason.

This song probably best portrays how I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks:
Slipknot – Vermillion Pt. 1.

In any case, I’m looking forward to settling in to my new job in the coming week.

I spent my first paycheque on Pokémon Heartgold for my brand new DS, which was bought for me by a very special man for my 20th birthday (even though it’s still a month away).  I’ve spent the lonely days and nights obsessing over it.  It cheers me up most of the time, I enjoy it a lot, and I feel like a true geek walking around with my Pokéwalker.

Maybe tonight I’ll sleep peacefully.  Here’s hoping.

<3 DarkSlinky.