DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Insomnia’

So I haven’t updated like I promised to and honestly it’s mainly because my laptop has neither “L” nor “K” buttons (I’m using an onscreen keyboard for them… so painful), half of it is randomly in Japanese and it bluescreens whenever it’s particularly inconvenient.  It has had a good, long-ish life.  Now I just think it’s on its’ way out.  It is affectionately known as my “Noob Computer”.

I have been in Perth for two and a half weeks now and in that time I have realised this is just the break I needed after what occurred with my ex.  I don’t like to sound corny (I always do anyway, don’t I?) but I fell in love with a wonderful man as soon as I stepped off that plane and saw him there waiting for me (Aheee I’m a hopeless romantic! >.<).  Of course, that man is Snags.  We’ve spent the last month getting to know each other and, frankly, I can’t get enough of him.  So far there have been absolutely no conflicts, except that I refuse to let him do housework in my home if he’s working full time and he insists on sharing the load (so trivial and cute… -Swoon-).  He will be moving to my home in Queensland over the next few months which makes both of us very happy.

Snags wasn’t the only person at the airport either.  There were about 7 friends there waiting for me despite the fact parking is expensive, my plane didn’t land until 12:30am and there was a chance my flight would be delayed due to heavy fog.  There were more people waiting at a 24hr restaurant to meet me too.  I felt so very special.  From Pants Party I have now met (and this is more for my reference than anything else) PP Queensland; X1 , Prince Barin, Verty, Mcbaine, Mosse, KyePie, Necromancer, and PP Western Australia; Snags, Fen, Murdats, Gaz, Eagz, Darkr, Timmeh, Shocklanced, Synapz, Ace of Spades, Siby, and Senn.  I’ve made a lot of other Perth friends too, and I’m yet to meet more from Pants Party.

Coming to Perth has made me realise how very little I miss in Brisbane, and how little in Brisbane misses me.  At first it was kind of upsetting but I realised it’s just the reality and I have no choice but to accept it.  I’m thinking about moving to Perth but it probably won’t be for a few years yet, if anything.  I feel as though I still have unfinished business back home and Snags is happy to move there with me so everything seems to be panning out nicely.

I sorted things out with that friend of mine that I mentioned in my last blog.  It was a simple misunderstanding and nothing serious, which I am very glad for.  While in Perth I’ve also managed to clear up a few other miscommunications with friends in Brisbane and help a few other friends with love dramas and the like.  I am quite pleased with myself and feel better about going back there now.

I seem to have slipped in to another pattern of insomnia and nightmares again.  I don’t sleep well and when I do sleep I have dreams and nightmares that are so real I wake up believing they have occurred.  I told a friend about it and he suggested I read up on and try lucid dreaming.  To start with, this will involve me having a letter written on my hand to remind myself to question my reality and writing down the dreams I have as soon as I remember them.  So I’ll try it and see if I can learn to control my dreams.  I’m very excited and interested to see what the outcome will be.

As a side note; why does everyone think I have a British accent just because I speak correctly?!  Gaarrhh!!  No matter where I go everyone asks me about it! >.<

Maybe I’ll start vlogging, just for teh lulz… >:3

<3 DarkSlinky.

(P.S. DarkSlinky is a nightmare to type without “L” or “K”.  I become DarSiny…)

For someone who has got a job and made their family proud I’ve had a pretty crappy few weeks.

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve slept properly.  I get a maximum of a few hours sleep a night, and when I do sleep, I continue to dream of horrific things in full detail.

I often dream of houses that are beautiful in the daytime, but when night falls there are things in the darkness that chase me and try to kill me, most often big, black monsters or rotting corpses.  I sometimes find myself having to defend myself while others just stand around and watch.  It sounds kind of childish, but when you’re dreaming these things in detail over an extended amount of time it can really eat away at your sanity.

I’ve had too many dreams to write about them all, but last night is a good example of the things I’ve been dreaming.  I warn you, don’t read them if you’re easily distressed, because they are graphic and quite disturbing.

I dreamt that the sun was bright and I was standing in the middle of an open area near a river, but my attention was focused on the eyes of a man I didn’t know.  They were full of fear and even though I wanted to understand why, he was silent.  It was like we were having a conversation with our eyes.  His face was inches from mine when the top half of his head suddenly burst open in an explosive-type-manner.  I felt his still warm blood splatter over me and run down my face.  All that was left in front of me was his slackened bottom-jaw and an unrecognisable, bright-red mass of flesh, teeth and bone.  The gore was almost unbearable.

I then dreamt that I was standing in a cold, small, grey room with a glass panel in one wall revealing another grey room.  There were people behind me, but they felt like shadows.  Through the glass panel I could see a muscular man in white pants strapped to a table, gagged and struggling to get free.  The room he was in began to fill with a thick, colourful liquid, like different kinds of jelly mixed in together.  The table the man was lying on then began to move him into a crucifix position, his arms outstretched.

I could feel the cold glass on my palm as I put my hand on the window.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  His eyes were full of fear.  He managed to get free of the gag, but not his bindings.  He began to scream as the liquid wrapped around his legs and I could see the flesh on his feet burning.  I was horrified and frantically began to look for a way to help him.  No one tried to stop me as I proceeded to enter the room through a series of metal doors.  The jelly-liquid immediately began to burn me, it was now waist-deep.  I rushed to help the man, fighting through my own pain and trying to ignore his anguished screams.  As I struggled to remove the straps around his arms I glanced around to see the shadowed faces were blank and emotionless.  I felt exasperated and weak as my body began to shut down and the world went black.

I don’t like not having control over what goes through my head, especially while I sleep.  Sleep is supposed to be restful, but at this point in time it just feels like torture.  I’m afraid to sleep in case I dream these disgusting things.  I’m also afraid of darkness, as ridiculous as it sounds.

At the moment I’m on-edge as well as physically and emotionally exhausted.  I feel like there are hard times ahead and I just hope I can maintain a sense of hope, especially while most of my friends are either far away or ignoring me for no good reason.

This song probably best portrays how I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks:
Slipknot – Vermillion Pt. 1.

In any case, I’m looking forward to settling in to my new job in the coming week.

I spent my first paycheque on Pokémon Heartgold for my brand new DS, which was bought for me by a very special man for my 20th birthday (even though it’s still a month away).  I’ve spent the lonely days and nights obsessing over it.  It cheers me up most of the time, I enjoy it a lot, and I feel like a true geek walking around with my Pokéwalker.

Maybe tonight I’ll sleep peacefully.  Here’s hoping.

<3 DarkSlinky.

The other day was incredible.  I was out and about, driving around, hardly paying attention to the road because the sky looked like it was ALIVE.  I may sound crazy, but it was one of those really nice sunshiney days AND there were random streaks of big, black clouds of death randomly sweeping across the sky in a wave-like fashion.  I was in absolute awe.

Yeah, I’ve been drinking rum, eating chips and playing Starcraft 2 all night (What a life!).  I’m in a pretty crazy mood right now.

Anyway, the point is, I started work today.  It seems okay.

Seriously, why do people ask how work was?  What am I supposed to say when they ask me?  It’s not fantastic, I mean, I could be at home playing games.  It’s not boring either; I’m always busy doing something.  It’s work, it’s worky, that’s all there is to it, right?

I’ve had exes who would whinge when I didn’t ask them how work was, and now that I’m working I realise it was all an attention-seeking façade (Does that even make sense? I wanted to use a fancy word).  I didn’t complain when they didn’t ask me how university was; if I had something to say about it, I’d say it! </rant> Mind you, I still ask friends how work is going.  They (the males in particular) seem to like the attention, and I am interested to know.

I think part of the reason I’m in a crazy mood is because I haven’t slept properly for about a week now, or even longer.  I can’t really remember.  It’s pretty less-than-average.  If I’m lucky I’ll fall asleep around 2am or 3am and wake up at 6am.  I wouldn’t usually mind so much, except now when I do sleep, I dream vivid, messed-up nightmares.  Even if I take something to help me sleep, which I rarely do, it just means my nightmares are going to last longer and probably be more traumatic.

I’m pretty sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  I would write about these nightmares except some of them are kind of personal.  I might. I don’t know.  I’ll see.  Some of them would make for an interesting read, if it was written well (in my opinion anyway).

Maybe that’s what I could do – take my nightmares as inspiration for BOOKS.  Could I really be a novelist?  I get distracted by the littlest things…

Speaking of inspiration, I’m interested in someone (While proofreading this, I realised how perfect my timing was. “Distraction.. OH SHINEY!”).  Over the past few months I’ve met many men, got asked on many dates, even went on a few, but I think I’m pretty set on this one guy.  He seems really random, affectionate, interesting, down-to-earth and out of this world at the same time, just like me!

I’m not giving away too many details yet.  I intend to get to know this guy and see if we’re compatible as a couple before I consider a relationship with him.  I won’t be making the same mistakes again.

Ah, so many lessons learnt over the past few years.

I feel I am becoming a woman.

<3 DarkSlinky.