DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Job’

For someone who has got a job and made their family proud I’ve had a pretty crappy few weeks.

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve slept properly.  I get a maximum of a few hours sleep a night, and when I do sleep, I continue to dream of horrific things in full detail.

I often dream of houses that are beautiful in the daytime, but when night falls there are things in the darkness that chase me and try to kill me, most often big, black monsters or rotting corpses.  I sometimes find myself having to defend myself while others just stand around and watch.  It sounds kind of childish, but when you’re dreaming these things in detail over an extended amount of time it can really eat away at your sanity.

I’ve had too many dreams to write about them all, but last night is a good example of the things I’ve been dreaming.  I warn you, don’t read them if you’re easily distressed, because they are graphic and quite disturbing.

I dreamt that the sun was bright and I was standing in the middle of an open area near a river, but my attention was focused on the eyes of a man I didn’t know.  They were full of fear and even though I wanted to understand why, he was silent.  It was like we were having a conversation with our eyes.  His face was inches from mine when the top half of his head suddenly burst open in an explosive-type-manner.  I felt his still warm blood splatter over me and run down my face.  All that was left in front of me was his slackened bottom-jaw and an unrecognisable, bright-red mass of flesh, teeth and bone.  The gore was almost unbearable.

I then dreamt that I was standing in a cold, small, grey room with a glass panel in one wall revealing another grey room.  There were people behind me, but they felt like shadows.  Through the glass panel I could see a muscular man in white pants strapped to a table, gagged and struggling to get free.  The room he was in began to fill with a thick, colourful liquid, like different kinds of jelly mixed in together.  The table the man was lying on then began to move him into a crucifix position, his arms outstretched.

I could feel the cold glass on my palm as I put my hand on the window.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  His eyes were full of fear.  He managed to get free of the gag, but not his bindings.  He began to scream as the liquid wrapped around his legs and I could see the flesh on his feet burning.  I was horrified and frantically began to look for a way to help him.  No one tried to stop me as I proceeded to enter the room through a series of metal doors.  The jelly-liquid immediately began to burn me, it was now waist-deep.  I rushed to help the man, fighting through my own pain and trying to ignore his anguished screams.  As I struggled to remove the straps around his arms I glanced around to see the shadowed faces were blank and emotionless.  I felt exasperated and weak as my body began to shut down and the world went black.

I don’t like not having control over what goes through my head, especially while I sleep.  Sleep is supposed to be restful, but at this point in time it just feels like torture.  I’m afraid to sleep in case I dream these disgusting things.  I’m also afraid of darkness, as ridiculous as it sounds.

At the moment I’m on-edge as well as physically and emotionally exhausted.  I feel like there are hard times ahead and I just hope I can maintain a sense of hope, especially while most of my friends are either far away or ignoring me for no good reason.

This song probably best portrays how I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks:
Slipknot – Vermillion Pt. 1.

In any case, I’m looking forward to settling in to my new job in the coming week.

I spent my first paycheque on Pokémon Heartgold for my brand new DS, which was bought for me by a very special man for my 20th birthday (even though it’s still a month away).  I’ve spent the lonely days and nights obsessing over it.  It cheers me up most of the time, I enjoy it a lot, and I feel like a true geek walking around with my Pokéwalker.

Maybe tonight I’ll sleep peacefully.  Here’s hoping.

<3 DarkSlinky.

My last job interview went exceptionally well.  I practically walked in there and got the job, which was a luxury after so many challenging job interviews.  The interview went something like this:

Interviewer:  “Are you currently employed?”
Me:  “No, I’m not.”
Interviewer:  “Are you 18?”
Me:  “I’m nearly 20.”
Interviewer:  “Do you have your driver’s licence?”
Me:  “Yes, and my own car.”
Interviewer:  “You’re well presented, well spoken and well mannered.  I’m going to offer you the job.”

I mean, I could be a well presented, well spoken and well mannered sociopathic criminal, couldn’t I?  (Don’t worry; I’m not one, as far as I know) Not that I’m complaining; a job is a job, and I now have one.

I picked up all the forms I needed on Sunday and submitted them first-ish thing Monday morning.  My induction was supposed to be today, but due to the fact I was apparently the only one who submitted their forms on time, the induction has been moved to next week.  I suppose I have the right to be angry about it but I’m a pretty easy going person.  At least they know I’m keen and reliable, and I know I won’t have much competition at work where responsibility is concerned.

So, after so many disheartening months of unsuccessful interviews, I’m finally in a situation with minimal stress.  Now the only question I find myself asking (besides, of course, how can I go about easily acquiring delicious bacon?) is what do I want to do with my life?  Why is it that the most complicated questions are able to be spelt out so simply?  Of course, it’s never as simple as it seems.

Despite the fact I’ve made a lot of new friends lately, I find myself feeling increasingly secluded.  I’m becoming an emotional hermit when I was once open and trusting (using the word ‘hermit’ makes me feel like I’m calling myself a crab, and I rather like it).  I think it’s because I don’t want to bore people with my tiresome concerns and issues.  Unless I’m asked directly, I figure people just don’t want to know, which is fair enough.  I can’t work out whether or not I like it this way, but least I get to see who really cares and who is just in it for the epic gaming sessions.

At this point in time, all of my friends are either busy all the time, live a long way away, are moving overseas, find it satisfying to completely avoid me for months at a time or all of the above.  As a result, I’m left with just myself and my precious little Chihuahua.  I can’t say she’s really the conversational type, though.  She’s more the ‘give me food and let me sit on your freshly washed clothes’ type.  At least she’s fluffy, cuddly and warm.

I’m looking forward to seeing my family on Saturday for my nephews 1st birthday.  At least I know that whatever happens with my friends, I’ll always have my parents, brothers and sisters.

I listen to people who describe their loved ones in ways that make me think, “I would love to have someone who described me in a similar way,” and I realised the other night that my family, my Dad in particular, talks about me in a way that makes me look admirable.  I know this because whenever I’m out with him and we come across his friends, they often say things like, “Oh, THIS is the daughter who loves cars?  You must be proud,” or “Congratulations on the new job!”  You know, in the sort of way that implies my Dad is a proud father.  Makes me feel comforted to know that no matter what I do, my Dad is proud of me.

The moral of the story is get out there and SHOW people when you care about them and admire them, because otherwise, how are they supposed to know?  Everyone is carrying some kind of burden and help is always appreciated.  Well, not always, but at least you know you’ve done the right thing.  I’ve been pretty slack in showing people I care lately, so I think I’ll make an effort to step it up.

Also, give me bacon.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I had another disturbingly vivid dream last night and I remember most of it quite clearly but I’ll probably write about that another time, I just wanted to do a quick update.

I’m feeling very sleepy at the moment, but it’s been about a week and a half since I left Gavin and I’ve just realised the numbness I’ve felt for the past few months has started to fade.

I’ve started to really enjoy every day, simply spending time with friends and getting up to mischief.  Despite my parents being quite negative towards me lately, I feel very hopeful about the future.  I know the next few weeks are going to be really memorable with the opening of the Mana Bar this Saturday.

I feel motivated to find a job and get my house organised again.  I don’t feel so motivated to look into university but I think that’s mainly because my parents are discouraging me to enrol in the course I’m interested in, which is a Bachelor of Education.  My sister decided to tell them teachers have the highest suicide rate of anyone and I think my parents have freaked out.  I think they’re underestimating me though.  Teaching is something I’m passionate about and my background in Psychology would definitely come in handy.

Dad:  “Do you really want to be a teacher? I reckon it’d be a horrible job, dealing with kids these days… :\”
Me:  “Someone has got to do it. ”

I expect some days I’ll still feel down and unmotivated, but I’m so happy to be ‘feeling’ again; everything from happiness, sadness, anger, pain, hope, motivation, jealousy, amusement… the list goes on and on and it’s all great. (I just thought I’d list the emotions I’ve felt recently, quite random..)

<3 to all my friends who stuck by me despite my whinging over the past few weeks… Haha.

Time to pick up again.

I’ve also been enjoying getting to know my Team Fortress 2 clan, Pants Party, better.  Alex and I met another Brisbane member a few weeks ago.  In the coming weeks I’ll hopefully get to meet the rest of the Brisbane Pants Party guys as well as the few members who are flying in to Brisbane from various places in April.  It’s going to be so epic! >:3

I’ve realised the music I listen to definitely reflects the way I’m feeling.  The past few months I’ve been listening to Slipknot, Evanescence and System of a Down quite obsessively, but now I’m obsessed with Pendulum.  Check it ouuut:  Pendulum – The other side.

Lovelovelovelove!

<3 DarkSlinky.