DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Job’

I feel quite lost for words at the moment and my thoughts are very scattered, so don’t expect me to make a whole lot of sense.

The past week has mostly involved games, shopping, get-togethers, job hunting and soul discovering.

Over the past few weeks I have acquired quite a few new games, thanks to the epic Steam Christmas sales.  Also thanks to Gavin for buying me some of my new games <3.  My spare time has been spent getting to know them better (especially Unreal Tournament); however ‘spare time’ has been a rare luxury.

Mind you, I love spending time with my friends and I will continue to do so as much as possible before Emma goes back home to New Zealand.  Some days we spend just shopping or hanging out at home together, and other days we’ll invite everyone to come together and talk, swim, play games and drink together.

Our most common topic of conversation would have to be Monique and how much she is missing out on simply by avoiding me (which as you know, is not my fault).  It’s just a combination of irritating people and a series of unfortunate events.

I spent today sulking and whinging about being sore from head to toe.  Last night I went into the city with a few friends for a ladies night on the town.  It was my first time clubbing and my god, it was incredible.  I don’t exactly remember the details of how we got to the club, but I remember once we got there I had the time of my life.  We danced for hours and then ate the most amazing tasting sausage rolls.  Oh yes, it was a night I will not forget.

The whole job hunting thing is stressing me out.  I’ve decided to defer university but I just feel like I’m wasting time.  At the same time, I don’t know if I’ll go back or drop out completely.  I don’t want it to look like I’ve given up because it was too hard, because that’s not the case at all.  I feel really bad for always bringing the topic up with my friends, because they either don’t know what to say or just tell me the same thing.  I’m looking for the answer but I need to find it in myself.

If I defer I have another 6 – 12 months to decide whether or not to go back into psychology or do something else, anyway.  I guess that is a big benefit.

I’ve had a (so far) mild case of insomnia again.  I think it started because I began to have nightmares again after New Year’s Eve.  They would have been triggered by a combination of things, including a really loud bang I heard while sitting in the backyard that frightened me.

Beware, I’m going to talk about “women’s things” to finish off – yes, Don, this warning is for you.

I find it interesting that all my friends monthly cycles synchronised to mine.  I find it even more interesting that all the men we’ve been spending a lot of time with have become very ‘pissy’.  One has even said to me that he has been very moody and he doesn’t understand why.  I told him he has PMS, which went down surprisingly well.  It seems there is evidence to support that women’s bodies synchronise, but I’m wondering it’s possible for men to ‘synchronise’ too… if you know what I mean?

Anyway, I should really try and sleep. Wish me luck!

<3 DarkSlinky.

It has been nearly two weeks since I last updated.  First off; Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!  2009 was one hell of a year and I’m sure I’m not the only one who is more than willing to leave it in the past.

All that aside though, I think it’s about time to look to the future.

For Christmas I got a Celestron AstroMaster 130EQ MD Reflector Telescope and Viva la Juicy perfume from Gavin.  I was so overjoyed that I cried.  I’ve always been interested in astronomy and I love to sit outside and gaze at the stars, so owning a telescope is a big deal to me. I was in shock for a few days.  My family were all very impressed.  Last night was the first clear night we’ve had since Christmas so we were able to take it out for a spin.  I’m going to have to practise aiming it at stars, but we did manage to focus on the moon.  Happy!

I’ve had an immense amount of fun spending time with my boyfriend, my family and my friends over Christmas and New Years Eve.  Nicki and I have been in contact again which made me realise just how much I missed him.  I’m very thankful to have him back in my life.

New Years Eve was not only a blue moon, but there was also a Partial Lunar Eclipse at approximately 10:30pm my time (whatever time that is.. haha).  To mark the occasion I was planning to head down to a beachside park called Moora Park; the place where my ex had asked me out under a full moon back in 2005.  I wanted to be there to watch the moon rise so I could pay my respects to the passing of the second decade of my life.  It may seem a little silly but it was to be my final way to let go of the past and move on with my life.  I mean, four years out of the last decade were spent with him.

Anyway, I decided all of this was way too depressing and instead I invited my friends to get dressed up with me and go together to Moora Park to have photos taken with the blue moon as it rose over the ocean, because it’s always magnified when it’s low on the horizon.  Unfortunately there were clouds on the horizon and we didn’t see it rise, but we did get a stack of really beautiful photos.  I shall upload them at some point.  We didn’t get to see the lunar eclipse due to cloudy skies but we still had a good night.

I’ve been feeling much more free since then.  For the first time in my life my year ended better than it started.  Hopefully from here on in it will be more common.  It seems happiness is rare for me, probably about as rare as a Partial Lunar Eclipse over a blue moon on the eve of the end of a decade.  Turns out these do occur.

Despite all this fun and freedom though I’ve been feeling very stressed.  Now that January is upon us the pressure is on for me to decide what to do this year and I have no idea where to start.  I was so certain I wanted to go back and do psychology but I had a ‘revelation’ (I guess you could call it?) and realised it’s not for me.  Or is it?? I love studying cognition, behaviour and biology but the statistics, research reports and journal articles were really killing me.  Being a clinical psychologist or even a counsellor would drain you emotionally every day.

I’m considering going into the IT department.  This is mainly because I love computers; building them, learning about them, teaching people about them, helping people fix them, etc.

This year I will go back to university, defer for another 6 months or cancel altogether.  Either way there is pressure; pressure to study, pressure to work.  Gavin is the only one telling me I have time to find my place in this world.  Honestly, I hope my place is with him.  I don’t know what I did to deserve a man like him, but I swear I must be the luckiest woman on this puny little planet.

I have plans!  I want to re-activate my gaming clan, Fraternity of Valour.   I want to go to Perth to meet the boys from my other clan, Pants Party, and see my Aunty.  I want to go to New Zealand to spend time with Emma.  I feel the urge to fight hard for a job, seeing as my search has still been unsuccessful.  I want people to remember me as someone who does what she needs to do.

I need motivation. Raaaaaar! </wookie>

<3 DarkSlinky.

I realise I’ve been neglecting my blog a bit lately.  I guess it’s mostly due to the fact that I’ve been spending most days getting to know my wonderful new man.  The other reason is I’ve been thinking about my blog and what its’ purpose actually is.  I was re-reading my recent entries and I realised they’re more of a list of recent events, rather than an insight into my life, if you know what I mean.  Not that my life is particularly important or interesting, but I assume people would read my blog because it’s a window into someone else’s life, whether I’m someone you do or don’t know, someone you do or don’t like.

I haven’t been doing anything interesting lately anyway.  When my ex left me my sleeping patterns went haywire and I didn’t do housework for weeks and weeks.  The place was nasty, but I’ve really put myself into gear this past week.  I’ve got my resume nearly ready to go, all of my chores are up to date (dishes, washing, vacuuming, etc.) and for the first time in a year or more I feel as though I’m really in control of my life.  I’ve found it really interesting to reflect on my own thoughts and behaviours over the last year.

Towards the end of last year to the beginning of this year, my ex’s parents were getting divorced and selling their house.   He had nowhere to go so he moved in with me, despite him and his mother not really wanting him to.  I wanted him to; I was excited that we would get to live together after so many years in a relationship.  However, the whole situation became awkward and a lot of tensions arose.

To be honest, I was really quite depressed.  I would cry for no particular reason and get sick often.  I felt as though life was simply too much to bear and I wanted to put it on hold and curl up in a ball by myself for a few months.  As a result, I became unmotivated and began to fall behind at university, which increased the pressure on me… etcetera.

I feel ashamed of doing badly at university this year, mostly because I know I could do better.  After reflecting on the whole situation I honestly think that it wasn’t my fault.  I went through a difficult time and obviously couldn’t cope.  I just wonder sometimes if I’m just trying to justify it, to make excuses.  I did reach out for help but it fell through.  I’m glad I was able to sort things out myself, though.  I’m really quite proud of myself.

I believe deferring my university course for six months was the right thing to do.  It’s given me the chance to really figure things out.  I think a lot of people think I’m irresponsible for not having a job but this is what I needed so that I could figure myself out and really get into gear.  Afterall, there’s no point being in gear if you don’t want to accelerate.

At the moment I’m quite stressed about a few personal things… my health mostly, and a few issues with friends.  I won’t go into details right now because it’s late and I have to be up early.

Gavin stayed with me for the weekend, from Friday to today.  It’s really nice to have a man around the house again; someone to deal with the bugs and give me kisses and cuddles while waiting for Borderlands to load.

Ah, yes, Borderlands was released last week.  Well, eventually anyway.  Firstly the release date was 3 days early and then they realised they had released the wrong version in Australia.  Typical. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m looking forward to the future, anyway.  Things like having a clean house, nice hair-cut, new games, new clothes, new boyfriend, new friends, a job and the motivation to do really well at university next year.  Yes, hopefully things continue along this path. =)

I just realised my ramblings don’t really make a whole lot of sense.  I’m really quite tired.  I hope the points I’m trying to convey aren’t too hard to figure out… not that there’s really any point.  I’m mostly trying to reflect on the past to benefit the future.  If that makes sense?

Yeah, I need to sleep. Haha.

<3 DarkSlinky.