DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Left 4 Dead 2’

I had a wonderful time at Madonnas.  I would trust my sister with anything and we had some really good chats while sitting together with a cup of tea watching little Emily play.  She’s so gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed watching her grow every day.  I feel like I’ve come home with a clear head and a forward path.  I’m looking forward to going back sometime soon.  While I was there I got a 72cm hair wrap in my hair.  That’s approximately 19 metres of cotton.  We used 8 different colours, they were black, white, pink, purple, blue, blue-green, green and yellow.  It looks awesomely hippy. Photos soon!

Clear headed is good.  I’m letting the relationship I had with Liam go, but I’m not going to force my emotions in any particular direction.  Wherever they go naturally is good enough for me.  I trust that what is meant to be will be.  “If it is so” is a phrase I have been using a lot recently, along with the one you all know I’ve been using, which is “If you love it, let it go.”

I miss him every minute of every day, which is something that’s gradually changing as I adjust to him not being there.  The hardest thing is learning not to confide in him or offload my emotions and thoughts when we chat, because we’re still in contact.  The other thing that’s difficult is that I don’t how he feels or what he’s thinking.  Maybe one day we’ll have that bond again.

I realised I was being incredibly impatient; I was contacting him every day because it felt like that would make the process faster, but in fact, it was making it a lot slower.  You just have to chill out and let things form naturally.  He says I’ve been doing well, but I could be doing better, and I will be doing better.

I had a few more slaps from reality today; two more things I have to accept and move on from.  They are things that Liam and I were planning to do together these holidays that he’ll now do with friends.  They are golf and LAN.  At first I felt upset and overwhelmed, but I went along with my emotions and gradually felt like I could accept them.  My main comfort is that perhaps one day we’ll share these experiences together again.

Every time I see him sign in or anything my poor little heart skips a beat, out of both excitement and apprehension.  First, the excitement at seeing him there because I’ve missed him so much, and then apprehension knowing I have to restrain myself.  If his feelings have changed, there’s nothing I can do for us, but I get the feeling that deep down he still loves me like he did.  I have to remember not to cling to that though, quite a difficult task.

I’m feeling anxious about the 22nd, 26th and 28th of September next week.  The first would have been 51 months together, the second is Liam’s 20th birthday party and the third is his actual birthday.  I was invited to his birthday party and I’m not sure how he feels about me being there.  I don’t like to bombard him with questions like that.  I didn’t tell him how I was feeling either.  Any information he wants about the ‘behind the scenes’ of me he knows he can access here, on my blog.  We’ll see how it goes.

Hopefully these 3 dates pass as quickly and easily as possible.

It’s so hard to restrain myself, to let him be.  Even now I find myself wanting just to chat to him about general things.  I tell you what, though.  It’s incredible how my feelings for him have been re-awakened, how I have a whole new appreciation for him.  I wish I had done things differently, but I didn’t, and here we are.  Maybe he feels the same.  It’s a shame it took this to awaken these feelings but perhaps one day I will be able to let them grow, rather than feeling the need to smother them (I’m rambling like crazy, aren’t I?  I’m so tired).

The other thing that’s bugging me at the moment is that Left 4 Dead 2 may be banned in Australia.  I was annoyed when they decided Diablo 3 had to be censored in Australia, but this is getting truly ridiculous.  There are links about the whole thing but I’m far too tired to track them now.  You’ll just have to trust me.

One of my clan members from Fraternity of Valour had a Team Fortress 2 scrim with his other clan tonight and needed some members from Fraternity of Valour to fill in for his team.  It ended up being 6 v 6 game and 4 of the people on our team were FoV, haha.  We did incredibly well.  I got a screenshot of the final result but I’m nearly speed capped so I’ll post it here after the 20th of September.

Jeez, I wanted this to be a short blog and it’s come out at over 800 words!

This is the last thing I’ll say, I promise!  I’m completely obsessed with the new muse album.  Check out the songs I belong to you, resistance and undisclosed desires.

Time for a shower and bed.

<3 DarkSlinky.