On Tuesday, Alex and I drove to the airport to surprise Emma when she came through the gate.  Unfortunately we miscalculated how long it would take to get there and we arrived two hours early.  Her flight was due to land at 8:05am and we arrived at about 6:20am.  Not something I’ll forget in a hurry.  I thoroughly enjoyed sitting in the airport and watching the people, playing games and drinking coffee.

Every day since then has been spent going out places, catching up with old friends and spending heaps of time together.

It has been so wonderful to have Emma home again.  We’ve been the closest of friends since grade 1 and over the years we developed a strange sense of humour together that no one else really understands.  We’re already using body language and having conversations that no one else understands.  We resolve each others confusing thought patterns, finish each others sentences and even say and do the exact same things at the exact same time sometimes.  Alex and Gavin have been lucky enough to witness this phenomenon.  This sort of bond doesn’t just develop overnight.  We’ve always shared a truly special friendship and every time she comes home I realise just how much I’ve missed her!

On Tuesday I had a few dramas with my eldest sister that really upset me but I guess I got over it.  Nothing was really resolved but that’s just how these things play out sometimes.

On Friday I saw Avatar with Gavin, Emma and Lynnette.  It was cliché and a bit corny but thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless.  I would recommend it!

At the moment I’m under quite a lot of pressure and there’s a lot on my mind.

I had decided a few months ago that I was going to go back to university and finish my psychology degree, but today I was watching a movie trailer and in it someone said, “If you had millions of dollars and didn’t have to work, what would you do?” and I thought, “I wouldn’t be working as a psychologist, that’s for sure.”  I’d probably work with cars or computers.  At the same time, everyone knows I love helping people.  I’ve told a few friends that I’m thinking about changing to an IT course next year and some have said, “But you’re so good at helping people!”  It’s flattering but I just don’t know what to do.  I have to think about what I want too, you know?  I want to help people but the research reports and statistics side of it is tripping me up, not to mention the fact that my university has made some really poor decisions regarding my psychology course…  I don’t know!!  It’s something I need to think long and hard about and my time is limited.

The other thing is that I may have my old job as an office administrator back starting first thing next year.  It would be really wonderful if I get it but I don’t want to get my hopes up at the same time.  I’ll probably find out tomorrow whether or not I get the job.

One option, if I do get the job, would be to defer university for a further 6 months to give me the chance to think more about what I want to do.   I need time to think and research but time is running out so fast.

Stress, stress!

All this stress definitely isn’t helping with my physical health.  Beware; the next few paragraphs will contain information regarding ‘ladies things’. While I firmly believe men should understand how these things work, I understand that some don’t want to hear anything about it. 

I skipped my last period and this month is either very late or has been skipped as well.  It could be due to a number of things; all of which are either nothing at all and will resolve themselves or can be quite serious.  I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not pregnant.  Haha.  It could be anything from stress to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Here’s hoping it’s nothing serious.  I’m tossing up whether or not to go to the doctor this week or wait another month before I go.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Stress -> miss period -> stress about missed period -> miss period -> stress… etc.

To the gentlemen out there – being a girl really sucks sometimes. Please be nice to us!

Oh yes, I forgot, I’m a total dag.  Gavin’s Christmas present arrived this week and I just happened to walk out into my lounge room carrying his present (unwrapped) while he was sitting there looking at me like, “What are you DOING?”  I didn’t even realise what I had done for a few minutes.  Luckily I was able to think of something else to give him so he’ll still get a surprise on Christmas day. Shame! Haha.

I’m thinking it’s time for a shower and cup of tea.  I need to de-stress.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Thursday I spent the day practising pool with Alex and shopping with Gavin… nothing exceptionally interesting from what I can remember.

Friday evening I went to another Christmas party with Gavin.  All the people there were 5 – 15 years older than me, but because I’m used to being around older people (my siblings) I didn’t feel out of place.  I lost count of how many glasses of champagne I had and I ended up making good friends with one lady, her name escapes me.  She started calling me ‘Little Sister’, hahah.  Oh, I had an absolute ball.

The partner of the lady who hosted the party is a chef and he cooked stacks of the most incredible food I’ve ever eaten.  Like, you know how you eat something delicious but after a while you sort of get over it?  It wasn’t like that with this food.  I couldn’t stop myself eating it.  Then there was dessert!  Far out…  I’ll never forget that food, ever.  You guys should be jealous!

So on Saturday I was pretty hung over, but I got up and went shopping with my mum.  We had lunch together and all that, it was nice spending time with her.

I got in contact with one of my friends from primary school (the beautiful Blair, affectionately known as Belairsan) and we decided to meet up again and hang out for a while.  We went down to the dam and had a really good chat about different issues and stuff…  We severed contact about a year or so ago because she and my ex didn’t get along, but now he’s gone and I realised how much I missed her.

She wanted to meet Gavin so he came over and we had dinner and went swimming and all that fun stuff.  They got along well which makes me really happy.  My ex never really got along with my friends and I always thought it would be nice to have someone who actually made an effort to make friends with my friends.

I’ve since told all of my friends to be open with me about what they think about my partners, rather than pretending to like them just for my sake.  I’ve learnt to be open with my friends about my relationships which, in my opinion, is of the utmost importance.  There should be no reason to hide if you’re upset over an argument you’ve had with your partner or whatever, and it’s good to have the support and advice of other people.  That way they can tell you if they think you’d be happier without that person, although sometimes I know it can be hard to listen when denial kicks in.

Saturday evening Gavin and I watched Seven Pounds.  I highly recommend it.  I found I could really relate to the main character; feelings of detachment from the world and the desire to go beyond all expectation to help people without repayment.  I don’t feel obligated or anything like that, nor do I expect recognition.  I just know what it feels like to feel helpless and alone and I don’t want other people to feel that way if I can do something to help prevent it.  Basically, I care.  A lot of people have told me things, especially recently, that they say they have never told anyone else before.  I have a great amount of respect for that and appreciation for the trust people put in me.

This promotion of Gavin’s, while making me exceptionally proud of him, has also made me feel… hmmm, I can’t think of the word.  I want people to be proud of me and my achievements like I see they’re proud of him, but the things I’m proud of for me are things that go unnoticed by the general population.  Like, rather than receiving a work related promotion, I might have a stranger open up to me and tell me about their darkest secrets and suicidal thoughts and I’ll help them through it, no matter what it takes.  It’s not something I can go and tell the world, but knowing I’ve made a world of difference to someone somewhere in the world is extraordinary.  I want to make a difference in peoples’ lives.  I’d like for people to remember me as a distant girl known as ‘DarkSlinky’ who guided them from the past to the future.

I went off on so many different tangents just then, in true SLINKY style!

Sunday and Monday were uneventful, although today Nicki replied to an e-mail I sent him.  It was only a few lines but I was overjoyed to hear from him.

Oh!  How could I forget?  Today was Gavin’s first day and, by some astronomically unlikely coincidence, he happens to be working with someone from my clan; Fraternity of Valour.  This is someone I haven’t met before, I completely forgot he lives in Brisbane and seriously, what are the odds that Gavin would just happen to notice he had a message on Facebook from someone in Fraternity of Valour?  I’m looking forward to meeting him.  I just can’t believe how small the world is sometimes.

Tomorrow Emma arrives in Australia. YAY!!  I am SO excited.

<3 DarkSlinky.

We both had a really good day.  He turned up at my house this afternoon with a bunch of my favourite flowers.  My favourite flower is the carnation, because it’s intricate and complicated, like I am.  I never told him which flowers were my favourite so it was a really pleasant surprise.  He seems to have a knack for these things; he’s always able to pick which ice cream or food I feel like.

We went out shopping for the afternoon, followed by dinner at Wagamama’s and then we went to see ‘The Invention of Lying.’  Good movie, I really enjoyed it.

Hmm. I’m really lost for words tonight for some reason.  Usually I have stacks to say but it’s just not there tonight.  I think it’s because I’m really tired.

Last night I was a bit upset…  I ended up staying up to watch the sun rise.  No doubt I’ll bring the reason why up in a future post, when I’m not so tired.

I have a throat infection so I think I’ll need to see a doctor at some point.  I have a big weekend ahead of me too, haha.

I bought the THQ pack off steam today.  It’s incredibly good value; 19 games for $49.99USD which is $54.70AUD.  That works out to be $2.90AUD per game which just blows me away because some of the games they include in the pack are still worth $90.00AUD retail.  If you’re a gamer I’d highly recommend you look into it. Clicky clicky~!

I now own 72 steam games alone.. plus a whole bunch of other PC, N64 and PS2 games.

Gamer pridddde. ;D

Hopefully next time I update I’ll be more insightful.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I feel very taken for granted, though I guess that’s partially my own fault for telling people I’ll be here for them no matter what.  I’ve always believed love should be unconditional, but maybe that’s not a healthy way to look at it.  Maybe you should love with the condition that, in your opinion, you’re being treated right.  Sometimes people make mistakes and forgiveness must be given, but what if they’re not asking for it?  Do you forgive anyway, or simply forget them and move on?

There is a point to my strange ramblings.  A few of my close friends have taken to nitpicking at my personality and the things I do, criticizing bits and pieces without justification.  It hurts me deeply.  There are things about them I certainly don’t like, but I’ll take the good and the bad and love every piece of them.  I don’t expect them to be perfect, and I certainly don’t want them to change, yet I feel as though they expect me to be perfect.  Seems unfair to me.

Up until now I’ve taken their nitpicking as reflections of their own insecurities, so I brushed it aside and let it be.  Tonight I decided to tell them how I feel, that I’m hurt and I think it’s unfair.  How they take it is up to them.

Yesterday I had a really lovely day.  I went shopping in the city with some friends, had lunch, celebrated a friend’s birthday, met up with more friends and played pool, stuff like that.  We spent the whole day laughing together and I felt warmth in my heart.  (I’ll upload photos when I’m no longer speed capped).

One of my friends from yesterday was behaving strange today, acting like I’ve screwed up when I have no idea what I’ve done wrong.  To be honest I don’t think he himself knows what I’ve done wrong.  Maybe he just needs someone to take his frustration out on, but why should it be me?  I have enough worry and frustration of my own to deal with.

I’ve found a really awesome word to describe me.  ‘Scatterbrain.’ I think it’s one of the things about me that annoys people.  Sometimes I’ll hear what they say and respond to them, but I immediately forget or get distracted by something else.  I don’t do it on purpose but people can be frustrated or offended by it.

I need a shirt that says “Caution:  Scatterbrain present.  Connection to reality may be lost without warning.”

On a better note, Gavin asked me on Friday if I’d like to go see Mao’s Last Dancer with him at the movies.  I accepted, and when we got to the cinema he surprised me by taking me through to the Gold Class section of the theatre.  It’s very expensive but a really good experience; delicious food, comfortable lounges, alcohol (woo!), etc.  The movie was really good too, I’d highly recommend it.  It shows what life is like in China, even today.  I feel so special.  Thank you for a memorable night, Gavin. <3

Today I went underwear shopping with mum.  We had a great time.  I then spent the afternoon relaxing in the pool.  It’s been a long time since I felt at home like that in our pool, I’m not sure why, but today was fantastic.  The water was so warm and soft… soft?  I don’t know.  I think that’s what I mean, haha.

Tomorrow I’m changing our phone and internet plan so I’m not sure how long I’ll be without internet.  Hopefully it won’t be too long.

Wish me luck with the setting up of my new internet!

Kthx.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Friday night Gavin took me out for dinner and chocolate buffet at a fancy restaurant in the city, followed by movies at his place.  Seriously, that chocolate buffet contained the most delicious desserts I have ever tasted, like, ever.  You just wouldn’t believe how unbelievably luscious they were!  I also had the opportunity to meet some of Gavin’s friends, all of whom were fun and warm-hearted.  It was a beautiful night, the kind I don’t think I’ll ever forget.  We’re officially calling it a ‘date’, which is very exciting for me.

Saturday I went to Gavin’s again to see another old friend of mine, Jeff, who was visiting from down the coast.  We just hung out for the afternoon playing Halo (forget which one?) and watching movies.  It was good to see Jeff again.

Saturday night I took Dad to his friends’ 60th birthday party.  He needed a designated driver, Mum didn’t want to go and I was keen to spend a night out with him, so it was a win, win, win situation.  I saw another friend of mine from years ago at the party, his name is Paul (no, not the Paul who hates me, haha).  We sort of grew up together but lost contact once we both moved on to high school.  Getting in touch with all these old friends has been fantastic; so many happy memories to reminisce over and even more to create.

Sunday Eevari and I had lunch together and spent some time just hanging out.  Sunday evening Gavin brought his laptop over so I could teach him how to play Team Fortress 2.  He’s learning quickly, no doubt he’ll soon be kicking my arse at it!

I just realised I saw Gavin on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Now he’s back at work so no lanning for a while.

Today I went to babysit my beautiful niece, Emily, for the morning.  I had so much fun; hopefully I’ll be able to babysit her on a weekly basis from now on.  At one point she fell over and started to cry, so I picked her up to cuddle her and she snuggled into me, it was SO cute.

I had lunch with Madonna and then went to visit Alex and Eevari.  We just hung out for the afternoon, played Team Fortress 2 (I got an achievement for Eevari!), I won at pool, and then we had dinner and watched V for Vendetta.  The two of them are at home for a few weeks without their parents so I might have to go over there and cook dinner for them one night, haha.  Useless boys! (Kiddinnnng!)

It certainly seems as though a lot of guys are interested in me at the moment.  I’ve never felt so flattered before, however I do realise I need time to move on from Liam and recover from the relationship we had, because I still feel as though I miss him.  I’ve decided to give myself approximately 6 – 12 months to recooperate and find myself in all this chaos.  All of these men are wonderful in their own special ways and I’m really looking forward to getting to know each of them better.  I only hope if I get along particularly well with one man that the others won’t feel as though I’ve lead them on, because I care about all of them.  I think it’s too soon to be thinking about that anyway.  All I can do is be open, honest and supportive, always.

I’m in a much better mood and clearer state of mind at the moment.  I think I’ve been moody for the past few days.  I get frustrated and cranky easily and sometimes I feel like crying for no particular reason.

Anyway, I have a headache again.  It’s definitely time for food, shower, and sleep.

<3 DarkSlinky.

So there’s this guy I was seeing years ago, when I was 14 years old.  Gavin is his name.  He was 18 at the time and things became awkward because of the age difference, so it didn’t work out.  He kinda disappeared on me, which really upset me at the time but when I think about it, I would have done the same thing.

He apologised to me today for disappearing, I said I understood, which I do.  Made me feel really good that he wanted to say he was sorry for it all.  We hit it off really well and after going out for coffee (and tim tam delicious thinnnng..) he ended up installing Windows 7 for me on my computer.. yay!  We then went out for dinner (yummm BMT) and to see Surrogates, which was quite a good movie.  The robots freaked me out though.

During the time we were apart I became a gamer and a car fanatic.  He’s a gamer himself so I think he was rather impressed.  I noticed he was very subtly testing my knowledge about computers, like asking questions about my GPU and mentioning I now have DirectX 11.0 to see how I would react.  I think I really surpassed his expectations when he mentioned his friend was at Brendale, and I was like, “At MSY?” which is a computer shop.  He just gawked at me. Haha.

I love chocolate, I love bacon, and I love Chermside cinemas.    I had a really lovely time, and I hope he did as well.

Cheers to good people and happy times.

Thank you, Gavin!

<3 DarkSlinky.