DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Muse’

I currently have some sort of sinus infection or throat infection or something and I’ve taken some sinus relief tablets that could possibly make me drowsy, so I don’t know how much sense I’m going to make.

Last Thursday Emma, Alex, Gavin and I went down to the Gold Coast to stay in a 5 star resort for 4 nights.  Leigh also joined us for Friday and Saturday nights.  It was just what I needed; friends, beach, dancing, sunshine, games, delicious food (cooked by yours truly + Emma) and relaxation.  To top it all off, the resort was actually on ‘Hope Island’ – haha.  This amuses me because my nightmares and insomnia stopped while I was away and they haven’t yet returned.

On Sunday Lynnette caught a train from Brisbane to join Gavin, Emma and I in attending one of the biggest music festivals of the year; Big Day Out, along with 54,996 other people (seriously – 55,000 tickets were completely sold out).  I saw Muse, Powderfinger, Lily Allen, Eskimo Joe, The Mars Volta, Dizzee Rascal, Karnivool, Kasabian, Mastodon and Blue Juice.  I could only describe Muse as fan-fricking-tastic.  I have been to see a few bands and I think it’s safe to say Muse put on the best performance I have ever seen.

Unfortunately I didn’t get to see Rise Against, Jet, Grinspoon, Fear Factory, Peaches or Girl Talk because they clashed with other bands but I’m still really satisfied with how my day played out.  The only downside is that I now have this sinus infection and my back is badly sunburnt.

I have found it rather difficult to return to Brisbane.  It feels as though I’m returning to a harsh reality where I’m struggling financially and a lot of things aren’t working out for me, like work, university and retrieving my original mobile phone number.  Sigh…

It’s also the last week I get to spend with the beautiful Emma before she returns to her home in New Zealand.  As I’ve probably said before, she’s the only person who understands my strange sense of humour, as well as the only person I feel I can be 100% myself around…

I’m starting to not make sense, aren’t I?

It’s definitely time for bed. I hope this damn sinus infection heals quickly.

I am also speed capped.

<3 DarkSlinky.

No doubt everyone who reads my blog (if anyone!) noticed my ‘Rant’ from last night.  The reason I write this blog to help me clear my head and improve my writing skill, but some things I write shouldn’t be read by the public.  That means you, sorry.

I’ll give you the gist of it so the only things you’re missing out on are the specifics, the whinging and the CAPS, haha.  Basically, I stumbled across some information last night that may suggest some people I know may have done some things that are hurtful to me on two separate occassions.  Oh, how discreet was that??  Genius.

So yeah, I was pretty upset.  Luckily I had the support of some truly amazing people; Mike, Max, Alex, Rythn, Graeme, Chad, Luke, Blair, Keeley, Fen, Snags, Ben, Darkr and of course Gavin.  I have other friends I know I could have called on if I needed to as well; Emma, Don, Josh, Dani, Vinnie, Abe, Bolo, Alan, Tom and Michael (if I’ve forgotten anyone please tell me, you all know my memory is shocking!)

To my friends; It’s important for me to tell you that  I appreciate each and every one of you for the unique qualities that make you the irreplaceable people you are.  I love you guys with all my heart.  You make a difference in my life; the days I speak to you are brighter and happier than the days I don’t speak to you.  I miss you when you’re not there.  There are a lot of bad people in this world, but you guys are the perfect example of how there is still good left in the world.  You give me confidence in humanity.  I only hope I return the favour in the same way.

Today was my sister’s birthday so Mum, Dad, my nephew, my Mum’s cousin, Gavin and I went over there to have dinner with my sister, her husband and her daughter.  It was really good to see her again.  I haven’t been spending much time with her lately because we’ve both been sick and I’ve truly missed her.  She got a telescope for her birthday so I’m planning to go over there one night and try it out.  How exciting, we finally have a telescope in the family!  All my brothers and sisters and I have a fascination for astronomy.

Gavin went home early but ended up coming back because I was still upset over the whole finding-out-hurtful-things fiasco and he wanted to make me feel better.  I have never felt so unconditionally loved and supported.  His insight is always straight-forward, simple and effective.  He never fails to make me smile.

When we’re sitting together under the stars with his arms around me, my head on his chest where I can feel his heartbeat, I feel so safe, so complete, and so free.  That’s all I want in life; safety, completeness and freedom.  I don’t like sounding corny about things but I really can’t help it when I’m talking about him… this is honestly just the way I feel.  I’m still coming to terms with the fact I’m with someone who cares about me and wants me to be happy.   My love for him is definitely something that could last a lifetime.  I hope that’s the path we go down.

Gavin came across this song that he said reminded him of me.  See what you think.

Orianthi – According to you.

Here is a song that reminds me of him.  I think I may have put it in my blog before, but now it has more significance in my life.

Muse – Undisclosed desires.

Now, off to make my bed!

<3 DarkSlinky.

I had a wonderful time at Madonnas.  I would trust my sister with anything and we had some really good chats while sitting together with a cup of tea watching little Emily play.  She’s so gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed watching her grow every day.  I feel like I’ve come home with a clear head and a forward path.  I’m looking forward to going back sometime soon.  While I was there I got a 72cm hair wrap in my hair.  That’s approximately 19 metres of cotton.  We used 8 different colours, they were black, white, pink, purple, blue, blue-green, green and yellow.  It looks awesomely hippy. Photos soon!

Clear headed is good.  I’m letting the relationship I had with Liam go, but I’m not going to force my emotions in any particular direction.  Wherever they go naturally is good enough for me.  I trust that what is meant to be will be.  “If it is so” is a phrase I have been using a lot recently, along with the one you all know I’ve been using, which is “If you love it, let it go.”

I miss him every minute of every day, which is something that’s gradually changing as I adjust to him not being there.  The hardest thing is learning not to confide in him or offload my emotions and thoughts when we chat, because we’re still in contact.  The other thing that’s difficult is that I don’t how he feels or what he’s thinking.  Maybe one day we’ll have that bond again.

I realised I was being incredibly impatient; I was contacting him every day because it felt like that would make the process faster, but in fact, it was making it a lot slower.  You just have to chill out and let things form naturally.  He says I’ve been doing well, but I could be doing better, and I will be doing better.

I had a few more slaps from reality today; two more things I have to accept and move on from.  They are things that Liam and I were planning to do together these holidays that he’ll now do with friends.  They are golf and LAN.  At first I felt upset and overwhelmed, but I went along with my emotions and gradually felt like I could accept them.  My main comfort is that perhaps one day we’ll share these experiences together again.

Every time I see him sign in or anything my poor little heart skips a beat, out of both excitement and apprehension.  First, the excitement at seeing him there because I’ve missed him so much, and then apprehension knowing I have to restrain myself.  If his feelings have changed, there’s nothing I can do for us, but I get the feeling that deep down he still loves me like he did.  I have to remember not to cling to that though, quite a difficult task.

I’m feeling anxious about the 22nd, 26th and 28th of September next week.  The first would have been 51 months together, the second is Liam’s 20th birthday party and the third is his actual birthday.  I was invited to his birthday party and I’m not sure how he feels about me being there.  I don’t like to bombard him with questions like that.  I didn’t tell him how I was feeling either.  Any information he wants about the ‘behind the scenes’ of me he knows he can access here, on my blog.  We’ll see how it goes.

Hopefully these 3 dates pass as quickly and easily as possible.

It’s so hard to restrain myself, to let him be.  Even now I find myself wanting just to chat to him about general things.  I tell you what, though.  It’s incredible how my feelings for him have been re-awakened, how I have a whole new appreciation for him.  I wish I had done things differently, but I didn’t, and here we are.  Maybe he feels the same.  It’s a shame it took this to awaken these feelings but perhaps one day I will be able to let them grow, rather than feeling the need to smother them (I’m rambling like crazy, aren’t I?  I’m so tired).

The other thing that’s bugging me at the moment is that Left 4 Dead 2 may be banned in Australia.  I was annoyed when they decided Diablo 3 had to be censored in Australia, but this is getting truly ridiculous.  There are links about the whole thing but I’m far too tired to track them now.  You’ll just have to trust me.

One of my clan members from Fraternity of Valour had a Team Fortress 2 scrim with his other clan tonight and needed some members from Fraternity of Valour to fill in for his team.  It ended up being 6 v 6 game and 4 of the people on our team were FoV, haha.  We did incredibly well.  I got a screenshot of the final result but I’m nearly speed capped so I’ll post it here after the 20th of September.

Jeez, I wanted this to be a short blog and it’s come out at over 800 words!

This is the last thing I’ll say, I promise!  I’m completely obsessed with the new muse album.  Check out the songs I belong to you, resistance and undisclosed desires.

Time for a shower and bed.

<3 DarkSlinky.