This morning I very clearly remembered.

It started with me walking through a very old and very beautiful museum.  I was standing in a large room with descending stairs in the middle and thick, glass doors behind me.  I watched as the sun began to fade through the high windows of the room.

I turned and through the glass doors I could see a creature that looked like an ogre crossed with a dinosaur.  Its’ teeth were sharp and its’ black eyes were glinting, watching me.  I pulled a shotgun out of nowhere and began shooting at the creature but all it did was break the glass and give the creature access to me.  I opted to run from the creature.  I ran straight past it down a pitch black corridor.  I couldn’t see where I was going but I realised I was running past hundreds of dead bodies.  Everything went black and I realised I was dead.

I ‘respawned’ within eyesight of the creature.  I began to run away from the creature and managed to gain distance on him because the corridor was too short and it was forced to crawl.  Eventually I came across another person and we agreed to work together to escape.

We turned a corner began searching the rooms on either side of the corridor in case there were more survivors.  I found one;   a friend of mine who I barely recognised because he was so sickly and skinny that I could lift him and carry him myself.

We left the room and realised the creature was getting closer so we stopped searching and continued to run.  We turned another corner and came across Simon Pegg dressed as he was in the end of ‘Hot Fuzz’ – armed and dangerous.  He told us he would lead us to safety, took my friend off of me and we began to run down another corridor.

The corridor eventually began to lighten and I noticed there were a lot of teenagers in school uniforms looking frightened.  We arrived at the room with the glass doors where there was  a plump lady, clearly a school teacher, telling her students not to be afraid.  I told her to be careful not to break the glass doors which had also, somehow, respawned.  I looked out the high windows into the dead of night and thought to myself that I might be late to my own 21^st gathering.

Suddenly everyone around me was joyful and relaxed and there were people outside the museum cheering and taking photos of the museum and those inside.  I realised the people inside the museum had the privilege of seeing it before it officially opened and for some reason people found this exciting.  I decided my 21^st birthday was more important than the opening of a museum and began to walk towards the entrance.

As I walked out of the museum and down a red carpet I tried calling my boyfriend in the dream (who, in reality, is my ex-boyfriend who I had been with for nearly 5 years).  He didn’t answer and the service provider informed me that he was busy watching TV.  I called him repeatedly as I walked down the dark street and eventually he answered.  When I asked him to pick me up he told me he was too drunk to drive.  I demanded that he go and ask my mother to pick me up and hung up on him.

I decided that while I waited I would sit with a group of drunk, homeless people next to a bus shelter because in such a dodgy neighbourhood I would have preferred any company over none at all.  The lady sitting next to me was drawing pictures on her leg using a tiny welder-like-instrument shaped like a pen with glittery goo inside of it.  She told me I should give myself a tattoo and explained how to use the pen-welder as she handed it to me.  I told her I didn’t want a tattoo but she didn’t seem to comprehend what I was saying.

I looked at my phone and suddenly felt like I was completely alone in the world.  I began to miss my ex-boyfriend (who, in reality, is my current boyfriend) so greatly that it was hard to breathe.  I wanted to call him to beg him to take me back and save me from this situation but upon typing his name into my phone I realised I had deleted his number.  I tried to contact a friend who would have his number but I realised I had deleted his number too.

I suddenly heard a girl screaming and I looked up to saw a ute pulling up across the road.  There was a topless bogan sitting on the hood of the car and 2 more bogans got out of the ute.  They were all intoxicated.  Together they pulled a young girl and a young man out of the back of the ute and began to drag them inside a dirty looking house, the girl was screaming the whole time.

I felt horrified and got up to walk away as I began dialing my mother’s number.  She answered the phone and said, “Are you okay my baby?” and I told her I’m okay but to hurry.  I started heading towards a petrol station that looked safer than street while I formulated a plan to call the police once I got to a safe place, and then to win my ex-boyfriend back.

Then I woke up.

I find this dream particularly interesting because in all of my dreams for the past year my ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend have been one and the same.  In this dream it seemed like my mind was finally identifying them as two separate people.  The rest I haven’t thought about yet…

<3 DarkSlinky.

We came to a house and the man lead me towards it.  It was a small, dirty, run-down house – the yard unkempt and the windows boarded and barred.  The front door was slightly ajar and as I began to push it open I was overwhelmed with the smell of dust and rotting flesh.  The door caught on something and wouldn’t go any further, so I squeezed through the gap, the man following behind me, neither of us saying a word.

The room was dimly lit by sunlight shining through the barred windows and I could see dust floating in the light.  As my eyes adjusted I discovered the source of the smell; twenty or more barely-breathing bodies of old, homeless men lying all over the floor, one of them blocking the door.  I felt mildly sad and wished I could help them, but I had entered the house to look for something and ignored them for the most part.

I began to search, stepping over groaning, skeletal figures and being careful of dirty syringes that were scattered around the place.  I moved left into a small living area, from here I saw another closed door.  I moved towards it and opened it.

Inside was what once would have been a tiny bathroom, but through events unknown had become a room dripping with blood and flesh.  On the floor was the unidentifiable body of either a young woman or a feminine man.  Their skin had been ripped to shreds; their arms were covered in needle wounds and there was a hole through their head with teeth, bone, meat and brains hanging out.

I recoiled, horrified by what I saw.

The man beside me began to radio someone – I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying because I was too traumatised.

Then I woke up.

I dreamt that my friends; Nicki, Lynnette, Emma and I were looking for a hotel in a swampy forest where night was falling fast.  Once the sun had set we were surrounded by crocodiles with no escape because all the trees were strange, unclimbable shapes.

My friend Lynnette got torn apart and eaten while the rest of us managed to climb up a stumpy tree but we knew that soon the crocodiles would be able to get us.  I slipped and fell out of the tree but I decided not to climb back up with my friends because without me in the tree, the branch we were sitting on wasn’t weighed down so much and my friends were safer.

I managed to run to another tree, but once I reached the other tree I realised that the back door of the hotel we were trying to find originally wasn’t far away, so I made a run for the open doorway.  I made it inside and slammed the door behind me.

I remember the light had a yellowish tinge, as if the lights in the room were aged.  I turned from the door and looked around the room.  It was of simple, old-fashioned design with fancy leather couches and wooden tables.  It had a warm atmosphere on the surface but a strange, cold feeling underneath the warmth.  There was some sort of party going on and everyone was dressed up with masks; no one was smiling, everyone was staring at me in a sort of blank disappointment.

I was in a panic, terrified for the lives of my friends.  I recognised one of the people as my mother and I remember being able to compose myself and swiftly collect my thoughts, because I figured people wouldn’t listen to a crazy person ranting about crocodiles.  I began to calmly ask people for help, saying things like, “The crocodiles – they’ve come to the hotel.  My friends are trapped in a tree outside, we must save them or they’ll die. We don’t have much time. Please help me,” but the people just turned away, went back to their party, and I felt abandoned.  I didn’t know who to turn to and I think I found a gun and decided to try save my friends myself.

My dream then changed and I was in an expensive, top-floor room of the same hotel with girls I didn’t know, but had seemed to know all my life.  The room felt plush and warm.  While the girls explored the bedroom for goodies I decided to go through the bathroom.  I remember looking forward to being able to have a soak in the bath because I was still covered in mud from the crocodile infested swamp.  The detail of the bathroom in my dream was stunning…  I might have to draw it before I forget it.

My dream then changed again and I was on the bottom floor of a modern hotel overlooking a lifeless, rain-swept city; both the room and the city were cold and grey.  I was standing on the veranda, contemplating the world when two warm arms wrapped around me and the conversation was as follows (I recognised who it was by the voice)…

Gavin:  “Isn’t it stunning?”
Me:  “I suppose… but why did you pick a room on the bottom floor?”
Gavin:  “I thought it would be easier to go out and less work to bring the bags up.  Besides, I prefer the bottom floor.”
Me:  “Mmmm…”

All I could think was how I wish someone would think about what I want for once, rather than think about what they think I should want.  Gavin then faded before I could look at him and I was left there alone, wondering absently if I had done something wrong.

Interesting, huh…?

I shall have to ponder what different things in my dreams symbolise.  I love analysing dreams.

Perhaps I’ll dream again tonight…

<3 DarkSlinky.

A few weeks ago I went to my sister’s house and my Dad called me to tell me neither of my pet mice were moving.  I thought it was odd, I knew one of them was getting old and sick but the other seemed okay when I saw them earlier.  He asked if I’d like him to put them in the backyard, I said yes and thank you.  Anyway, recently I’ve caught glimpses of a mouse running around my house. I assumed it was feral and was going to set a mouse trap, until I noticed he was bigger than the average-sized feral mouse and orange rather than black; like the mouse I thought was healthy.  He was so skinny, I didn’t even recognise him.  I realised he was indeed my mouse when I was crouched next to the fridge and he came up to me, followed me around and then waddled over to his old cage when he saw it.  It was really quite sweet.  Unfortunately he doesn’t look to be in the best health and one of his legs is injured, but I’ll keep an eye on him and call the vet if he doesn’t improve soon.

Strange, hey?  My dad said he put them both up the very back of the backyard.  He was shocked to see one of them back.  A part of me wonders if he just wanted to get rid of them while I was gone for a few days, because my parents have never liked me having pet mice.  I’m not going to let it bother me though.  I’m just glad he’s back, and I hope I can nurse him back to health.

So yesterday my cleaning plans were interrupted once again, by my rescue mission.  I did manage to get some things done though.

In the afternoon Gavin came around with his computer so he could cheer me up by playing Team Fortress 2 with me into the night.  I needed cheering up because I had had a nightmare the night before.  His computer is still behind me; it’s my hostage.  The ransom is $200,000,000, although I haven’t actually told him that yet. Probably a good idea to, so he knows how much he has to pay off… bwahahaha!

We then stayed up until midnight to buy tickets to Big Day Out, which is in January.  Alex bought tickets for Lynnette, himself and me and Gavin bought himself a ticket.  I’m so excited about it!  I know heaps of people who are going.  I get the impression that my ex, Liam will be there.  As long as I don’t see him I don’t particularly care though.  By then I don’t think even seeing him will bother me too much.

Today I got up and went to my sisters to babysit but she wasn’t there; she had driven to my house because my niece was sick.  Haha.  It was an amusing situation.  She felt really bad about the whole thing, she had called me but I was driving so I didn’t answer.  I was glad to have a nice morning drive anyway, listening to Breaking Benjamin.  It ended up working out better anyway because when I got home I realised I really didn’t feel very well.

Alex came over in the afternoon to pick up my share of the Big Day Out money, I saw Eevari as well for a while.  I had quite a nice day.  The only problem was that because I wasn’t feeling really well I just wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie for the day.  I ended up having to go out and do things, I was just so tired.  Ah well, these things happen. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be feeling better.

Monique still isn’t talking to me; I sent her a message asking if she’d like to do something this weekend and she sent a rather cruel one back.  I know people will be wondering why she isn’t talking to me, I can’t tell you though because I don’t actually know.  I’m happy to continue to wait until she’s ready to talk to me again though.

I also sent Nicki a text asking if he’d like to do something tomorrow but he replied with “No.”  I think he’s angry at me for something too.  I have to wait for him to be ready to talk to me as well.  I miss them both; Monique and Nicki that is.  I want to be a good, loyal friend to them both but sometimes it really is difficult.

Why do I keep pissing people off without knowing why!?  Sometimes I wonder if it’s me; I don’t think it is though, in all honesty.

Drama, drama, drama.

Oh, my neighbours had a baby boy at approximately 3:00 this morning, so congratulations to them!

Apparently my eyes are piercing. Pierce, pierce, pierce!

Gavin has told me he doesn’t want to see any 4am posts so I think I’ll be a good girl and get an earlier night tonight.

<3 DarkSlinky.

The lyrics are in French, as follows:

J’en ai jamais assez, je suis vite lassée,
Je voudrais combler ce manqué
Mon obsession me hante,
J’en ai jamais assez, je voudrais bien trouver
Que j’ai beaucoup de chance,
Me rendre à l’évidence,

We are we are on the radio now, the radio now!

J’en ai jamais assez, je vois toujours après,
Des fois je me demande
Comment je peux m’y prendre
J’en ai jamais assez, je suis vite lassée,
Je suis jamais contente,
On dit que je suis chiante,

We are we are on the radio now, the radio now!

J’en ai jamais assez, j’aimerais bien penser
A 2 centimètres à l’heure pour éviter les pleurs,
J’en ai jamais assez, je suis vite lassée,
Il faudrait que j’entende, un jour tu seras grande,

We are we are on the radio now, the radio now !

Unfortunately, I can’t speak French, and I don’t think the translator I used is exactly reliable:

I’ve never had enough,
I soon got tired,
I want to fill this gap
My obsession haunts me,
I’ve never had enough,
I’d like to think I am very lucky me to accept the evidence,

We Are we are now on the radio, the radio now!

I have enough, I always look after,
Sometimes I wonder how I can go about it
I’ve never had enough,
I soon got tired,
I’ve never happy,
They say I’m bitchy,

We are we are now on the radio, the radio now!

I have enough,
I had thought of 2 centimeters per hour to avoid the tears,
I have enough,
I quickly tired,
should I hear,
one day you grow up,

We are we are now on the radio, the radio now!

If anyone can speak or read French, maybe you would consider giving me a hand with this translation?  Hahaha.

Not much has been happening lately, clearly.

I get severe dysmenorrhoea every 3 months (the length of my womanly cycle) so I will be confined to sulking on the couch with a hot water bottle, painkillers and nice tea for hopefully no more than a few days.  I’ve done a lot of research into this topic and I’m hoping to write about ways to help dysmenorrhoea, for all the ladies out there who suffer from it as well (and the guys who know girls who get it).

Also, John’s project, Peepel, was released today so be sure to check it out!  I’ve been using it to stalk him while he travels to and from work.

Anyway, it’s my bed time.

Oh that reminds me, I had another nightmare last night although I don’t want to specify the details.  It was rather terrifying and I’d prefer not think about it just before I’m going to bed. Haha.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I’m happy to say I’ve been sleeping better.  I did have a nightmare a few nights ago, where we were fishing on a rubber tube thing, and my dad caught a fish so big it pulled us all in.  The water was opaque so I couldn’t see where the big fish was and I was absolutely terrified because he was angry at us for trying to catch him.  Other than that, my sleep has been undisturbed.

Liam finally has the internet.  Took quite a few dramas and phone calls to get there, but at least he has it now.  It’s good to finally have reliable contact with him, although it feels really bizarre to have to talk to him using mic in game.  I turn around to tell him something and he’s not there.

In more depressing news, the glass on the beautiful watch Liam bought me a while ago cracked and it’s going to cost $70 to fix.  First I have to pay for my last excessively large phone bill.  Stress, stress, stress!  It’s definitely time for me to go on Bean Counter!

I went down to target today with Liam and by chance we discovered that Webkinz have come to Australia, and they have Duck Jai ducks!  I sent mum a text letting her know they have Webkinz at target now and she bought me two Duck Jai’s to cheer me up.  I feel so special. XD

For those who don’t know, Duck Jai is a duck I got when I was little.  He was big and fat and I would take him with me everywhere.  Over the years I collected smaller Duck Jai’s as well, pretty sure I still have all of them here.  I definitely still have big Duck Jai.  Here are the three of them together:

Duck Jai

I’m looking forward to spending some quality time with Liam this weekend.  We will have been together for 50 months on Saturday.  I’m quite proud of it.

Before I part, I’ve been listening to a song I really enjoyed today:

Chicane vs Natasha Bedingfield – Bruised water (Remix).

It’s a cross between one of my all time favourite trance songs, Chicane – Saltwater and Natasha Bedingfield – I bruise easily.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Today I got up, went upstairs and had breakfast with mum.  I made her a cup of coffee and it made her surprisingly happy so I think I’ll make it a more regular occurrence.

I just realised I’ve been spelling ‘occurrence’ wrong!  I’ve been spelling it ‘occurance’.  Damn.
Spell-check, what would I do without you!

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah.

So Liam sent me a message tonight, asked if I would like to meet him for dinner.  Unfortunately I had already eaten dinner, but we met up and had ice cream and walked around the shops for a while.  It was really lovely.  I feel very happy and content at the moment.  When I got home, he came online and said to me, “You looked really pretty tonight.”  Made me feel special.

His phone line is finally hooked up, hopefully he’ll have the net soon so we can keep in contact easier.  I’m a bit worried about my next phone bill, but I’ve tried to not use my mobile as much as I was, so I’ll just have to see how it goes..

I’m looking forward to going on the Virgin ‘Bean counter’.  10c texts and 10c/min calls.  How amazing is that?!  If it interests you, you can check it out here.

Definitely time for a hot cup of tea.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I was meant to get up early so Nicki and I could go shopping at Chermside, but we both ended up ‘sleeping’ in.  I arrived at his place at about 2pm, had some lunch and went shopping at Morayfield.  We had a really fun day.  I bought a few little crafty things so I can work on a surprise for Liam.

Nicki and I decided we’re going to make dolls with Lynette.  It’s very exciting, although I’m worried I’ll suck at it.

Liam and I had a nice night. He surprised me by coming over with dinner and dessert.  We finished watching the third season of The IT Crowd (maybe I’ll do a review of it soon..) and then waited until 1am to see the Perseids meteor shower in the sky, which we couldn’t see anyway because of the gibbous moon.  For those interested in the Perseids meteor shower I thought I might conduct some research and do a little write-up on it.

Now I’m not particularly religious, but there’s a quote from the Bible that’s inspiring me at the moment.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
(Matt 6: 34)

Another day is looming.

Time to try and sleep.

<3 DarkSlinky.

Today I got up and went with Madonna and Emily to pick up their camera from the city.  It was a really fun adventure. XD  I hung around their place for a while, played with little Emily, had dinner with Anthony and Madonna and made amazing choc-banana muffins.

I also discovered Lady Gaga is actually a talented musician.  I saw acoustic versions of ‘Paparazzi’ and ‘Poker Face.’  If I close my eyes, I’m rather impressed.

I had an interesting conversation tonight. It went along the lines of:

Monique: “Mum and I just had an adventure with hot wax, I got a big drop of it on my eyelashes.”
Jayne: “Oh my goodness! How on Earth did you manage that!”
Monique: “Well, she went for my eyebrow, and the hot wax dripped.”
Jayne: “Your elbow?? …. Oh your EYEBROW.”

Isn’t that a delicious thought?  Hairy elbows.

On that note, I shall take my leave.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I woke up feeling motivated despite having nightmares about Liam’s mother coming over without notice like she used to.

I hate being nagged, I want my own space.

Every morning Dad comes in and says the exact same thing:

“Haven’t found our camera yet?
We’ll have to have a big clean up in here; pull everything out and go through everything.
Your mother wants to buy a new camera if we can’t find the old one!
I’m not buying a new camera until I’ve gone through everything in here.
Have you pulled out that cupboard yet?”

Then he’ll look around for a while and then go into my fridge.

“This looks yummy. I’ll have some of that.
What’s this? It doesn’t look any good any more. I’ll throw it out.
This too.
And these…
Do you have any milk?”

Then he’ll turn the fridge down really, really cold so his beer just freezes.

When Liam was here, I had my own space. Now it’s their space again, and I can’t say anything because they will just say “We do a lot for you.”

I know my Dad works hard, I know my parents provide for me, I know they do a lot for me, and I appreciate it, but does that give them the right to come in here whenever they want and go through everything, take what they want, throw out what they think I don’t need?

I’m not motivated anymore, anyway…

<3 DarkSlinky.