DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Nightmares’

So I haven’t updated like I promised to and honestly it’s mainly because my laptop has neither “L” nor “K” buttons (I’m using an onscreen keyboard for them… so painful), half of it is randomly in Japanese and it bluescreens whenever it’s particularly inconvenient.  It has had a good, long-ish life.  Now I just think it’s on its’ way out.  It is affectionately known as my “Noob Computer”.

I have been in Perth for two and a half weeks now and in that time I have realised this is just the break I needed after what occurred with my ex.  I don’t like to sound corny (I always do anyway, don’t I?) but I fell in love with a wonderful man as soon as I stepped off that plane and saw him there waiting for me (Aheee I’m a hopeless romantic! >.<).  Of course, that man is Snags.  We’ve spent the last month getting to know each other and, frankly, I can’t get enough of him.  So far there have been absolutely no conflicts, except that I refuse to let him do housework in my home if he’s working full time and he insists on sharing the load (so trivial and cute… -Swoon-).  He will be moving to my home in Queensland over the next few months which makes both of us very happy.

Snags wasn’t the only person at the airport either.  There were about 7 friends there waiting for me despite the fact parking is expensive, my plane didn’t land until 12:30am and there was a chance my flight would be delayed due to heavy fog.  There were more people waiting at a 24hr restaurant to meet me too.  I felt so very special.  From Pants Party I have now met (and this is more for my reference than anything else) PP Queensland; X1 , Prince Barin, Verty, Mcbaine, Mosse, KyePie, Necromancer, and PP Western Australia; Snags, Fen, Murdats, Gaz, Eagz, Darkr, Timmeh, Shocklanced, Synapz, Ace of Spades, Siby, and Senn.  I’ve made a lot of other Perth friends too, and I’m yet to meet more from Pants Party.

Coming to Perth has made me realise how very little I miss in Brisbane, and how little in Brisbane misses me.  At first it was kind of upsetting but I realised it’s just the reality and I have no choice but to accept it.  I’m thinking about moving to Perth but it probably won’t be for a few years yet, if anything.  I feel as though I still have unfinished business back home and Snags is happy to move there with me so everything seems to be panning out nicely.

I sorted things out with that friend of mine that I mentioned in my last blog.  It was a simple misunderstanding and nothing serious, which I am very glad for.  While in Perth I’ve also managed to clear up a few other miscommunications with friends in Brisbane and help a few other friends with love dramas and the like.  I am quite pleased with myself and feel better about going back there now.

I seem to have slipped in to another pattern of insomnia and nightmares again.  I don’t sleep well and when I do sleep I have dreams and nightmares that are so real I wake up believing they have occurred.  I told a friend about it and he suggested I read up on and try lucid dreaming.  To start with, this will involve me having a letter written on my hand to remind myself to question my reality and writing down the dreams I have as soon as I remember them.  So I’ll try it and see if I can learn to control my dreams.  I’m very excited and interested to see what the outcome will be.

As a side note; why does everyone think I have a British accent just because I speak correctly?!  Gaarrhh!!  No matter where I go everyone asks me about it! >.<

Maybe I’ll start vlogging, just for teh lulz… >:3

<3 DarkSlinky.

(P.S. DarkSlinky is a nightmare to type without “L” or “K”.  I become DarSiny…)

I’ve finally had a few nights of proper sleep.  It only took… well, ages.   Feels like months to me but I guess it was about 2 or 3 weeks.  Hopefully my brain makes a habit of not forcing me to enter into twisted, thriller-style storylines every time I try to sleep.

I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, relationships in particular.  Not just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but friendships too.

I realised tonight what I really miss about having been in a long-term relationship is having a friend who you can confide everything in.  It’s special to have someone who knows you inside-out, someone who won’t judge you, someone who knows what to say or what to do to comfort you.  Someone you can talk to for hours about your insights or your worries and they want to know more.  It’s a shame these things tend to wither with time, whether it be hours or decades.

I guess I just feel like there’s a lot on my mind and no one really has the time or interest to listen, which I think is fair enough.  I’m not angry or bitter, as always, I just feel lonely and I hope in the future I have someone in my life who will take me for all that I am and love me unconditionally.

I’m always so fascinated with other people’s life stories.  I could listen for hours as people tell me about their secrets from the past, their fears for the present and their hopes for the future.

I had someone asking me about my life a few nights ago and he told me I was an amazing and unique person.  It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, which makes me feel like I’ve got something special to share with the world.  Maybe they’re wrong, though.  I find that people’s initial interest fades away, like a match that flares up and burns for a while before gradually dying away.  For a little while there you feel warm and thrilled but soon it’s cold and grey again.  It’s a little sad, but mostly just normality, I think.

I’ve probably said it before, but I have friends that I’ve known for many, many years and I’m lucky in that regard.  I don’t think I’m as close to any of them as I used to be, which is a shame.  I was once a part of a group of friends who always told each other everything.  We suffered through tough times and practically grew up together.  Now we’re older and busier with work and study, some of us have moved far away, some have lost contact altogether, some have changed and moved on to different things.  I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those people.  I hope they stay in my life as much as possible, and I hope the ones who have left return to me one day.

I crave something deeper, something meaningful, maybe something endless… Not that I can comprehend what ‘endless’ is anyway.

I wonder if others desire the same thing, or if it’s just me…?

<3 DarkSlinky.

For someone who has got a job and made their family proud I’ve had a pretty crappy few weeks.

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve slept properly.  I get a maximum of a few hours sleep a night, and when I do sleep, I continue to dream of horrific things in full detail.

I often dream of houses that are beautiful in the daytime, but when night falls there are things in the darkness that chase me and try to kill me, most often big, black monsters or rotting corpses.  I sometimes find myself having to defend myself while others just stand around and watch.  It sounds kind of childish, but when you’re dreaming these things in detail over an extended amount of time it can really eat away at your sanity.

I’ve had too many dreams to write about them all, but last night is a good example of the things I’ve been dreaming.  I warn you, don’t read them if you’re easily distressed, because they are graphic and quite disturbing.

I dreamt that the sun was bright and I was standing in the middle of an open area near a river, but my attention was focused on the eyes of a man I didn’t know.  They were full of fear and even though I wanted to understand why, he was silent.  It was like we were having a conversation with our eyes.  His face was inches from mine when the top half of his head suddenly burst open in an explosive-type-manner.  I felt his still warm blood splatter over me and run down my face.  All that was left in front of me was his slackened bottom-jaw and an unrecognisable, bright-red mass of flesh, teeth and bone.  The gore was almost unbearable.

I then dreamt that I was standing in a cold, small, grey room with a glass panel in one wall revealing another grey room.  There were people behind me, but they felt like shadows.  Through the glass panel I could see a muscular man in white pants strapped to a table, gagged and struggling to get free.  The room he was in began to fill with a thick, colourful liquid, like different kinds of jelly mixed in together.  The table the man was lying on then began to move him into a crucifix position, his arms outstretched.

I could feel the cold glass on my palm as I put my hand on the window.  I couldn’t understand what was happening.  His eyes were full of fear.  He managed to get free of the gag, but not his bindings.  He began to scream as the liquid wrapped around his legs and I could see the flesh on his feet burning.  I was horrified and frantically began to look for a way to help him.  No one tried to stop me as I proceeded to enter the room through a series of metal doors.  The jelly-liquid immediately began to burn me, it was now waist-deep.  I rushed to help the man, fighting through my own pain and trying to ignore his anguished screams.  As I struggled to remove the straps around his arms I glanced around to see the shadowed faces were blank and emotionless.  I felt exasperated and weak as my body began to shut down and the world went black.

I don’t like not having control over what goes through my head, especially while I sleep.  Sleep is supposed to be restful, but at this point in time it just feels like torture.  I’m afraid to sleep in case I dream these disgusting things.  I’m also afraid of darkness, as ridiculous as it sounds.

At the moment I’m on-edge as well as physically and emotionally exhausted.  I feel like there are hard times ahead and I just hope I can maintain a sense of hope, especially while most of my friends are either far away or ignoring me for no good reason.

This song probably best portrays how I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks:
Slipknot – Vermillion Pt. 1.

In any case, I’m looking forward to settling in to my new job in the coming week.

I spent my first paycheque on Pokémon Heartgold for my brand new DS, which was bought for me by a very special man for my 20th birthday (even though it’s still a month away).  I’ve spent the lonely days and nights obsessing over it.  It cheers me up most of the time, I enjoy it a lot, and I feel like a true geek walking around with my Pokéwalker.

Maybe tonight I’ll sleep peacefully.  Here’s hoping.

<3 DarkSlinky.