DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Pants Party’

I had another disturbingly vivid dream last night and I remember most of it quite clearly but I’ll probably write about that another time, I just wanted to do a quick update.

I’m feeling very sleepy at the moment, but it’s been about a week and a half since I left Gavin and I’ve just realised the numbness I’ve felt for the past few months has started to fade.

I’ve started to really enjoy every day, simply spending time with friends and getting up to mischief.  Despite my parents being quite negative towards me lately, I feel very hopeful about the future.  I know the next few weeks are going to be really memorable with the opening of the Mana Bar this Saturday.

I feel motivated to find a job and get my house organised again.  I don’t feel so motivated to look into university but I think that’s mainly because my parents are discouraging me to enrol in the course I’m interested in, which is a Bachelor of Education.  My sister decided to tell them teachers have the highest suicide rate of anyone and I think my parents have freaked out.  I think they’re underestimating me though.  Teaching is something I’m passionate about and my background in Psychology would definitely come in handy.

Dad:  “Do you really want to be a teacher? I reckon it’d be a horrible job, dealing with kids these days… :\”
Me:  “Someone has got to do it. ”

I expect some days I’ll still feel down and unmotivated, but I’m so happy to be ‘feeling’ again; everything from happiness, sadness, anger, pain, hope, motivation, jealousy, amusement… the list goes on and on and it’s all great. (I just thought I’d list the emotions I’ve felt recently, quite random..)

<3 to all my friends who stuck by me despite my whinging over the past few weeks… Haha.

Time to pick up again.

I’ve also been enjoying getting to know my Team Fortress 2 clan, Pants Party, better.  Alex and I met another Brisbane member a few weeks ago.  In the coming weeks I’ll hopefully get to meet the rest of the Brisbane Pants Party guys as well as the few members who are flying in to Brisbane from various places in April.  It’s going to be so epic! >:3

I’ve realised the music I listen to definitely reflects the way I’m feeling.  The past few months I’ve been listening to Slipknot, Evanescence and System of a Down quite obsessively, but now I’m obsessed with Pendulum.  Check it ouuut:  Pendulum – The other side.

Lovelovelovelove!

<3 DarkSlinky.

I don’t want this to be a whinge-fest, but it’s going to be, unfortunately.  I just can’t believe how much is going wrong for me right now.

I’ve been having nightmares again, so I haven’t been sleeping well.  Last night was the first decent night’s sleep in a while, and even then I woke up halfway through the night and couldn’t stop coughing.  I’m surprised I didn’t wake Gavin up.

I’ve had this horrible cough for days.  I think it’s safe to say it’s a result of the sinus (or whatever it was) infection I had.  I probably caught it at Big Day Out last Sunday.

I also got really badly sunburnt at Big Day Out , despite putting sun cream on.  It was such a hot day that they had hoses spraying water out over the crowds to keep everyone cool, so I think all the sun cream was washed off.  On Wednesday my back was covered in blisters and a few days ago it started peeling.  It’s really quite disgusting.  Big Day Out was awesome though, so it was worth it anyway.

If you’d like a preview of what Big Day Out was like, there are a lot of pretty good clips on YouTube of different bands and stuff.  Muse was by far the best, though.  Here is a decent clip of them singing Stockholme Syndrome – Keep in mind I was up the front, just in front of the bigger screen on the right, which was also where the EPICALLY HUGE speakers were.  They played great songs.  I could feel the bass shaking every part of my body.  Delicious.

Unfortunately dermatitis has come up on my hands and scalp again, probably from stress.

A couple of days ago a big cut appeared on the inside of my gum (the side that’s under my tongue).  I suspect there may be a loose piece of bone under there (from when I had my wisdom teeth removed last year) that’s cutting through my gum.  I’ll have to go to the dentist to get it checked out if it doesn’t heal up.  I hope this cough goes away before then.  I don’t want to be coughing in the dentists face… it must be pretty gross being a dentist sometimes.

I’ve made countless attempts to retrieve my old mobile number, I still haven’t been successful.  It’s getting to a ridiculously frustrating level now.  I went as far as to submit a complaint to my phone company – Virgin – and I will definitely be posting my story on a few forums, although I won’t tell it here now.  It’s definitely getting its’ own rant.

Despite looking for a job, I can’t apply for anything until I get my number back because it’s my only direct point of contact apart from e-mail and I’m pretty sure employers aren’t going to contact me over the internet.  Not having a job and not attending university is giving me a sense of worthlessness and I feel really pathetic depending on my parents while I’m an adult.  I’m so financially strained at the moment too; it’s a terribly stressful situation.

Thursday was a good day.  I spent the morning cleaning Gavin’s car from top to bottom.  As a thankyou gift he took me out for dinner and then he bought me a pair of very expensive, leather, thigh-high, stiletto, Mollini boots I’ve had both my eyes on for a few weeks (I’m a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky girl!!! >.<)

Boots to die for.

Thursday evening Alex came over and brought with him a Nintendo 64 game I’ve been looking for for years; Pokemon Stadium 2.  In most shops it’s worth $60 – $80 but he managed to get it for me for $45 which is great because I think the classic Nintendo 64 games are only going to increase in value now.  I found out my Nintendo 64 is worth up to $130.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling really under the weather after a bad nights sleep, luckily I had my wonderful boyfriend there to comfort me and give me sympathy.  He got out of bed and while I slept a few more hours he cleaned my house; bathroom, kitchen and lounge room before making a cup of lemsip for me to wake up to.  Thank goodness I have one less thing to worry about.

The rest of Saturday, Alex, Lynnette, Gavin, Nicki and I spent with Emma.  We hung out at her house for a while and had lunch at a nice cafe before it was time to travel to the airport to say our “See you laters.”  It was truly heartbreaking to witness.  Emma told us she was nervous and wasn’t ready to leave yet.  Everyone knew I would be upset so all their eyes were on me.  I couldn’t look at her for fear of bursting into tears, which I did as I watched her walking to the gate.  I hope I get to go see her in New Zealand this year, but oh, here comes the money issue again…

I’ve been really snappy.  I’m finding it increasingly difficult to trust people, whether they are friends or family, and I’m not exactly sure why.  This, in turn, makes me feel very alone, especially since I keep a lot of my troubles to myself.  I’m very good at putting forward a happy persona when it’s just not how I’m feeling.

I know it doesn’t seem all bad but it’s been a pretty rocky road and I just wish life would cut me a break at the moment.

The only thing I can really do is harden up and keep pushing forward; wait for my health to improve, see the dentist, sort out my phone number and then apply for jobs.  It’s important to focus on the positives, and I’ve definitely had a few days this week where I’ve been spoilt by my loved ones.

On a better note, Gavin spent this afternoon teaching me how to play Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 and I really enjoyed it.  After a couple of failed games I managed to grasp the concept and got the ball rolling.  There was one point in the game that made me laugh…

Gavin:  “How are you going over there?”
Computer:  “Your enemy has been defeated.” (By yours truly!)
Jayne:  “Yeah, pretty good.”
Gavin:  “Oh, nice work.”

I also had a game with Gavin and Fen from Pants Party.  I think the boys found my noobness highly amusing.

Jayne:  “Oh, look!  There’s a cute puppy in my base!”
Gavin:  “He’s not on our team…”
Jayne:  “Oh, what?  Crap.”

Check out my awesome shirt.  Thank YOU SplitReason!

"Forget headshots, I aim for the NUTS!"

Yes, that is a bacon sticker on my head.

<3 DarkSlinky.

It has been nearly two weeks since I last updated.  First off; Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!  2009 was one hell of a year and I’m sure I’m not the only one who is more than willing to leave it in the past.

All that aside though, I think it’s about time to look to the future.

For Christmas I got a Celestron AstroMaster 130EQ MD Reflector Telescope and Viva la Juicy perfume from Gavin.  I was so overjoyed that I cried.  I’ve always been interested in astronomy and I love to sit outside and gaze at the stars, so owning a telescope is a big deal to me. I was in shock for a few days.  My family were all very impressed.  Last night was the first clear night we’ve had since Christmas so we were able to take it out for a spin.  I’m going to have to practise aiming it at stars, but we did manage to focus on the moon.  Happy!

I’ve had an immense amount of fun spending time with my boyfriend, my family and my friends over Christmas and New Years Eve.  Nicki and I have been in contact again which made me realise just how much I missed him.  I’m very thankful to have him back in my life.

New Years Eve was not only a blue moon, but there was also a Partial Lunar Eclipse at approximately 10:30pm my time (whatever time that is.. haha).  To mark the occasion I was planning to head down to a beachside park called Moora Park; the place where my ex had asked me out under a full moon back in 2005.  I wanted to be there to watch the moon rise so I could pay my respects to the passing of the second decade of my life.  It may seem a little silly but it was to be my final way to let go of the past and move on with my life.  I mean, four years out of the last decade were spent with him.

Anyway, I decided all of this was way too depressing and instead I invited my friends to get dressed up with me and go together to Moora Park to have photos taken with the blue moon as it rose over the ocean, because it’s always magnified when it’s low on the horizon.  Unfortunately there were clouds on the horizon and we didn’t see it rise, but we did get a stack of really beautiful photos.  I shall upload them at some point.  We didn’t get to see the lunar eclipse due to cloudy skies but we still had a good night.

I’ve been feeling much more free since then.  For the first time in my life my year ended better than it started.  Hopefully from here on in it will be more common.  It seems happiness is rare for me, probably about as rare as a Partial Lunar Eclipse over a blue moon on the eve of the end of a decade.  Turns out these do occur.

Despite all this fun and freedom though I’ve been feeling very stressed.  Now that January is upon us the pressure is on for me to decide what to do this year and I have no idea where to start.  I was so certain I wanted to go back and do psychology but I had a ‘revelation’ (I guess you could call it?) and realised it’s not for me.  Or is it?? I love studying cognition, behaviour and biology but the statistics, research reports and journal articles were really killing me.  Being a clinical psychologist or even a counsellor would drain you emotionally every day.

I’m considering going into the IT department.  This is mainly because I love computers; building them, learning about them, teaching people about them, helping people fix them, etc.

This year I will go back to university, defer for another 6 months or cancel altogether.  Either way there is pressure; pressure to study, pressure to work.  Gavin is the only one telling me I have time to find my place in this world.  Honestly, I hope my place is with him.  I don’t know what I did to deserve a man like him, but I swear I must be the luckiest woman on this puny little planet.

I have plans!  I want to re-activate my gaming clan, Fraternity of Valour.   I want to go to Perth to meet the boys from my other clan, Pants Party, and see my Aunty.  I want to go to New Zealand to spend time with Emma.  I feel the urge to fight hard for a job, seeing as my search has still been unsuccessful.  I want people to remember me as someone who does what she needs to do.

I need motivation. Raaaaaar! </wookie>

<3 DarkSlinky.