DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Period’

I realise I haven’t been writing at all lately, and I guess it’s because I haven’t really had anything to say.  I’ve been stuck in a sort of limbo, not really knowing what I’m feeling or thinking.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing.  I suspect it’s because in the past 5 or 6 years I’ve spent most of my time attached to someone in a relationship, I never really had the chance to be alone.

Tonight I found myself in a situation where I was sitting at home by myself watching a movie and, strangely, I had no conversations going on MSN or steam or anything.  It was just me, with myself, and my thoughts.  I found it very amusing and gradually realised it’s not something I enjoy if it’s involuntary.  By that I mean, I enjoy being alone when I choose to be, but I find it unsettling when I’m alone for no good reason.  I’ve decided I’m going to have to learn to deal with it though, afterall, everyone needs to know how to be alone, right?

Anyway, I ended up bawling my eyes out while I watched Juno.  The first time I saw it, I really disliked it, but this time, I absolutely loved it. Go figure.  It’s like I didn’t really understand it before, and this time I made a real connection with it.  Haha, give me a break!  It’s my time of the month; I’m allowed to be an emotional wreck.

Speaking of which, it god damn hurts. Just so you know.  Today I got up at 6am, went back to bed at 11am, and got up again at 2pm.  I’m a drugged-up zombie.  I even walk around with a blank expression, drooling and moaning, pale as a ghost, looking for my pants.

Tomorrow I must make an effort to be less of a zombie, considering I have a job interview.   I’ve been applying for jobs for months and haven’t heard anything, and when I decide to give up for a week while I’m sore, I get a surprise interview handed to me on a silver platter.  What’s the moral of the story, you ask?  Give up, and take whatever is offered to you.  (Something doesn’t seem right here..?)  I really hope this interview goes well.  No doubt there will be a million other applicants, so I must try my very best to be an energetic and enthusiastic little zombie.

Starcraft 2 is awesome, by the way.  I’ve had a few matches against both bots and people and tonight was the first time I won against people.  It’s so much more fun when you actually notice that you’re improving.  (Does that even make sense? I’m so out of it…) I intend to continue developing my RTS skills.

Time to attempt to sleep.

<3  DarkSlinky.

I feel quite lost for words at the moment and my thoughts are very scattered, so don’t expect me to make a whole lot of sense.

The past week has mostly involved games, shopping, get-togethers, job hunting and soul discovering.

Over the past few weeks I have acquired quite a few new games, thanks to the epic Steam Christmas sales.  Also thanks to Gavin for buying me some of my new games <3.  My spare time has been spent getting to know them better (especially Unreal Tournament); however ‘spare time’ has been a rare luxury.

Mind you, I love spending time with my friends and I will continue to do so as much as possible before Emma goes back home to New Zealand.  Some days we spend just shopping or hanging out at home together, and other days we’ll invite everyone to come together and talk, swim, play games and drink together.

Our most common topic of conversation would have to be Monique and how much she is missing out on simply by avoiding me (which as you know, is not my fault).  It’s just a combination of irritating people and a series of unfortunate events.

I spent today sulking and whinging about being sore from head to toe.  Last night I went into the city with a few friends for a ladies night on the town.  It was my first time clubbing and my god, it was incredible.  I don’t exactly remember the details of how we got to the club, but I remember once we got there I had the time of my life.  We danced for hours and then ate the most amazing tasting sausage rolls.  Oh yes, it was a night I will not forget.

The whole job hunting thing is stressing me out.  I’ve decided to defer university but I just feel like I’m wasting time.  At the same time, I don’t know if I’ll go back or drop out completely.  I don’t want it to look like I’ve given up because it was too hard, because that’s not the case at all.  I feel really bad for always bringing the topic up with my friends, because they either don’t know what to say or just tell me the same thing.  I’m looking for the answer but I need to find it in myself.

If I defer I have another 6 – 12 months to decide whether or not to go back into psychology or do something else, anyway.  I guess that is a big benefit.

I’ve had a (so far) mild case of insomnia again.  I think it started because I began to have nightmares again after New Year’s Eve.  They would have been triggered by a combination of things, including a really loud bang I heard while sitting in the backyard that frightened me.

Beware, I’m going to talk about “women’s things” to finish off – yes, Don, this warning is for you.

I find it interesting that all my friends monthly cycles synchronised to mine.  I find it even more interesting that all the men we’ve been spending a lot of time with have become very ‘pissy’.  One has even said to me that he has been very moody and he doesn’t understand why.  I told him he has PMS, which went down surprisingly well.  It seems there is evidence to support that women’s bodies synchronise, but I’m wondering it’s possible for men to ‘synchronise’ too… if you know what I mean?

Anyway, I should really try and sleep. Wish me luck!

<3 DarkSlinky.

Emma has been here for nearly a week now. She arrived last Tuesday and I’ve been busy all day every day since then.  I love every minute of it.  There’s no way I’m going to be able to tell you about everything I’ve been doing!

On Tuesday, Alex and I drove to the airport to surprise Emma when she came through the gate.  Unfortunately we miscalculated how long it would take to get there and we arrived two hours early.  Her flight was due to land at 8:05am and we arrived at about 6:20am.  Not something I’ll forget in a hurry.  I thoroughly enjoyed sitting in the airport and watching the people, playing games and drinking coffee.

Every day since then has been spent going out places, catching up with old friends and spending heaps of time together.

It has been so wonderful to have Emma home again.  We’ve been the closest of friends since grade 1 and over the years we developed a strange sense of humour together that no one else really understands.  We’re already using body language and having conversations that no one else understands.  We resolve each others confusing thought patterns, finish each others sentences and even say and do the exact same things at the exact same time sometimes.  Alex and Gavin have been lucky enough to witness this phenomenon.  This sort of bond doesn’t just develop overnight.  We’ve always shared a truly special friendship and every time she comes home I realise just how much I’ve missed her!

On Tuesday I had a few dramas with my eldest sister that really upset me but I guess I got over it.  Nothing was really resolved but that’s just how these things play out sometimes.

On Friday I saw Avatar with Gavin, Emma and Lynnette.  It was cliché and a bit corny but thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless.  I would recommend it!

At the moment I’m under quite a lot of pressure and there’s a lot on my mind.

I had decided a few months ago that I was going to go back to university and finish my psychology degree, but today I was watching a movie trailer and in it someone said, “If you had millions of dollars and didn’t have to work, what would you do?” and I thought, “I wouldn’t be working as a psychologist, that’s for sure.”  I’d probably work with cars or computers.  At the same time, everyone knows I love helping people.  I’ve told a few friends that I’m thinking about changing to an IT course next year and some have said, “But you’re so good at helping people!”  It’s flattering but I just don’t know what to do.  I have to think about what I want too, you know?  I want to help people but the research reports and statistics side of it is tripping me up, not to mention the fact that my university has made some really poor decisions regarding my psychology course…  I don’t know!!  It’s something I need to think long and hard about and my time is limited.

The other thing is that I may have my old job as an office administrator back starting first thing next year.  It would be really wonderful if I get it but I don’t want to get my hopes up at the same time.  I’ll probably find out tomorrow whether or not I get the job.

One option, if I do get the job, would be to defer university for a further 6 months to give me the chance to think more about what I want to do.   I need time to think and research but time is running out so fast.

Stress, stress!

All this stress definitely isn’t helping with my physical health.  Beware; the next few paragraphs will contain information regarding ‘ladies things’. While I firmly believe men should understand how these things work, I understand that some don’t want to hear anything about it. 

I skipped my last period and this month is either very late or has been skipped as well.  It could be due to a number of things; all of which are either nothing at all and will resolve themselves or can be quite serious.  I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not pregnant.  Haha.  It could be anything from stress to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  Here’s hoping it’s nothing serious.  I’m tossing up whether or not to go to the doctor this week or wait another month before I go.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Stress -> miss period -> stress about missed period -> miss period -> stress… etc.

To the gentlemen out there – being a girl really sucks sometimes. Please be nice to us!

Oh yes, I forgot, I’m a total dag.  Gavin’s Christmas present arrived this week and I just happened to walk out into my lounge room carrying his present (unwrapped) while he was sitting there looking at me like, “What are you DOING?”  I didn’t even realise what I had done for a few minutes.  Luckily I was able to think of something else to give him so he’ll still get a surprise on Christmas day. Shame! Haha.

I’m thinking it’s time for a shower and cup of tea.  I need to de-stress.

<3 DarkSlinky.