DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Scatterbrain’

It’s raining.  Sometimes I wonder if there is something larger than life watching over me.  The rain soothes me, and it just so happens to be what I need in this moment.

I feel very taken for granted, though I guess that’s partially my own fault for telling people I’ll be here for them no matter what.  I’ve always believed love should be unconditional, but maybe that’s not a healthy way to look at it.  Maybe you should love with the condition that, in your opinion, you’re being treated right.  Sometimes people make mistakes and forgiveness must be given, but what if they’re not asking for it?  Do you forgive anyway, or simply forget them and move on?

There is a point to my strange ramblings.  A few of my close friends have taken to nitpicking at my personality and the things I do, criticizing bits and pieces without justification.  It hurts me deeply.  There are things about them I certainly don’t like, but I’ll take the good and the bad and love every piece of them.  I don’t expect them to be perfect, and I certainly don’t want them to change, yet I feel as though they expect me to be perfect.  Seems unfair to me.

Up until now I’ve taken their nitpicking as reflections of their own insecurities, so I brushed it aside and let it be.  Tonight I decided to tell them how I feel, that I’m hurt and I think it’s unfair.  How they take it is up to them.

Yesterday I had a really lovely day.  I went shopping in the city with some friends, had lunch, celebrated a friend’s birthday, met up with more friends and played pool, stuff like that.  We spent the whole day laughing together and I felt warmth in my heart.  (I’ll upload photos when I’m no longer speed capped).

One of my friends from yesterday was behaving strange today, acting like I’ve screwed up when I have no idea what I’ve done wrong.  To be honest I don’t think he himself knows what I’ve done wrong.  Maybe he just needs someone to take his frustration out on, but why should it be me?  I have enough worry and frustration of my own to deal with.

I’ve found a really awesome word to describe me.  ‘Scatterbrain.’ I think it’s one of the things about me that annoys people.  Sometimes I’ll hear what they say and respond to them, but I immediately forget or get distracted by something else.  I don’t do it on purpose but people can be frustrated or offended by it.

I need a shirt that says “Caution:  Scatterbrain present.  Connection to reality may be lost without warning.”

On a better note, Gavin asked me on Friday if I’d like to go see Mao’s Last Dancer with him at the movies.  I accepted, and when we got to the cinema he surprised me by taking me through to the Gold Class section of the theatre.  It’s very expensive but a really good experience; delicious food, comfortable lounges, alcohol (woo!), etc.  The movie was really good too, I’d highly recommend it.  It shows what life is like in China, even today.  I feel so special.  Thank you for a memorable night, Gavin. <3

Today I went underwear shopping with mum.  We had a great time.  I then spent the afternoon relaxing in the pool.  It’s been a long time since I felt at home like that in our pool, I’m not sure why, but today was fantastic.  The water was so warm and soft… soft?  I don’t know.  I think that’s what I mean, haha.

Tomorrow I’m changing our phone and internet plan so I’m not sure how long I’ll be without internet.  Hopefully it won’t be too long.

Wish me luck with the setting up of my new internet!

Kthx.

<3 DarkSlinky.