DarkSlinky

Posts Tagged ‘Team Fortress 2’

I had another disturbingly vivid dream last night and I remember most of it quite clearly but I’ll probably write about that another time, I just wanted to do a quick update.

I’m feeling very sleepy at the moment, but it’s been about a week and a half since I left Gavin and I’ve just realised the numbness I’ve felt for the past few months has started to fade.

I’ve started to really enjoy every day, simply spending time with friends and getting up to mischief.  Despite my parents being quite negative towards me lately, I feel very hopeful about the future.  I know the next few weeks are going to be really memorable with the opening of the Mana Bar this Saturday.

I feel motivated to find a job and get my house organised again.  I don’t feel so motivated to look into university but I think that’s mainly because my parents are discouraging me to enrol in the course I’m interested in, which is a Bachelor of Education.  My sister decided to tell them teachers have the highest suicide rate of anyone and I think my parents have freaked out.  I think they’re underestimating me though.  Teaching is something I’m passionate about and my background in Psychology would definitely come in handy.

Dad:  “Do you really want to be a teacher? I reckon it’d be a horrible job, dealing with kids these days… :\”
Me:  “Someone has got to do it. ”

I expect some days I’ll still feel down and unmotivated, but I’m so happy to be ‘feeling’ again; everything from happiness, sadness, anger, pain, hope, motivation, jealousy, amusement… the list goes on and on and it’s all great. (I just thought I’d list the emotions I’ve felt recently, quite random..)

<3 to all my friends who stuck by me despite my whinging over the past few weeks… Haha.

Time to pick up again.

I’ve also been enjoying getting to know my Team Fortress 2 clan, Pants Party, better.  Alex and I met another Brisbane member a few weeks ago.  In the coming weeks I’ll hopefully get to meet the rest of the Brisbane Pants Party guys as well as the few members who are flying in to Brisbane from various places in April.  It’s going to be so epic! >:3

I’ve realised the music I listen to definitely reflects the way I’m feeling.  The past few months I’ve been listening to Slipknot, Evanescence and System of a Down quite obsessively, but now I’m obsessed with Pendulum.  Check it ouuut:  Pendulum – The other side.

Lovelovelovelove!

<3 DarkSlinky.

I’ve had an incredibly eventful week.  This is probably going to end up as another exceptionally long blog, so I’m going to drink a cup of tea while I write and chat to two of my good friends; Mike and Max, just to set the scene for you. Ha!

I guess a good place to start would be where I left off last blog.  ‘Blog’ is such an annoying word.  Can anyone think of a better word for it?  It reminds me of some kind of muddy waterhole that would swallow your car when you least expect it.  I must be relating it to ‘bog,’ haha.  Like, “My car got bogged.”  Anyway!

On Tuesday I taught my niece piano like I usually do.  Her last two lessons haven’t been as productive as her first few which is a little disheartening, but I’m not going to let it discourage me.  I remember having off days when I was learning piano as well.  Speaking of which, and slightly off topic, I want to get back into piano lessons again next year.  I’m planning on recording some more songs to upload to my YouTube account.

Tuesday evening I stayed at Gavin’s house because he had Wednesday off.  I always take pleasure in spending time with his family and I’m pretty sure they’re enjoying getting to know me better as well.  I love win, win situations.  This is where my ‘happy-high’ began, that is, for a few days there I felt on top of the world; like I could achieve anything.  It was a good feeling but that feeling never lasts forever… as you’ll see.

Wednesday was Gavin’s day off and what a day it was.  It began with a visit to Gavin’s friends’ new house so I could meet him.  He’s a really nice, easy-going sort of character.  I’ve had the privilege of playing Team Fortress 2 with him a few times before.  He does photography and owns a camera I would love to have.  SLR pleeeeasseee.. <3<3

Lunch time we went to another friends’ unit in the city for a BBQ to celebrate the completion of his university degree (I think?).  Unfortunately it was raining and we had to have an ‘indoor BBQ,’ not that it made it any less enjoyable.

After lunch we pulled in to Gavin’s driveway and just as I was about to get out of his car, he put his hand on my knee, looked me in the eye and told me he’s in love with me. HEART MELLLTT! This deserves its’ own blog but I thought it definitely deserves mentioning here as well. I realised ‘Love’ isn’t something I’ve tagged on my website before, so it’s very special.  <3

Wednesday evening was another of Gavin’s family get togethers, this time for his Grandmothers birthday.  The ladies in Gavins family can all make delicious desserts.  If things go well between Gavin and I, I’ll definitely have to learn to cook these dishes to pass on to my daughters, to continue the tradition sort of thing.

There was a 30-year-old piano there and his family requested I play for them.  Usually I politely decline no matter how much people insist, but this time I thought, why not?  I love to play and people like to hear, so I did it!  I took a few requests and played a few different songs, though not the whole way through.  They all seemed to enjoy it, especially Gavin’s Grandfather.  I was a lot less shy around his cousin’s this time as.  I really think I fit in with his family; they’re all lovely, not to mention hilarious.

On Thursday Gavin and I spent the evening playing games; Left 4 Dead 2 and stuff.  It was an uneventful day until later in the night when I got into an argument with Monique.

It began, shamefully, on Facebook, where I was discussing games (specifically, Left 4 Dead 2) with one of Pauls’ friends.  For those who don’t know, Paul is Monique’s boyfriend who has a very passionate dislike for me.  His dislike for me stems from a number of months ago when he was posting links to a sick website on my website and when I asked him to stop, he denied he was the one doing it.  He doesn’t have any proof of it being someone else and I have the proof it came from his IP so rather than admit it like a man he adopted the “You’re evil and I hate you” attitude.  If you’d like a sample of his behaviour, you can see a classic example  here.

Anyway, back to Thursdays proceedings.

I added this friend which upset Paul.  He removed me from Monique’s Facebook page and told her she was not allowed to re-add me until I remove his friend.  I felt like I was dealing with a hostage situation.  Monique explained to me why it was upsetting him, all silly reasons.  Something about me invading his space, like, what, he’s not invading mine every time he calls me names on there?  I explained to Monique how I thought it was silly and how I’m not going to let him get his way just because he’s acting like a child.

She then starts getting angry at me for trivial issues we’ve either already resolved or completely random things that have never been a problem before.  I could go on to explain them but they’re not important and it’s nearly 4:30am so if you do want me to explain I will later, but the fact of the matter is she was covering the real issue; Paul was controlling her to get his way.  Anyway, I told her I have enough issues of my own to deal with without things like this and I blocked her.

I thought I would be upset on Friday after what happened with Monique, but I woke up feeling full of life and energy.  The day began with a trip to the tip with my Dad to get rid of some old tyres and branches.  Going anywhere with my Dad always turns into an adventure full of mischief and giggles.  We ended up pushing the tyres down a hill on to the tyre pile while no one was looking.  ‘Tyre racing’ we called it.  Then we went to the shop, bought a big box of Bundaberg Rum and sat around eating, drinking and playing games for the rest of the night.  At this point I was absolutely stoked.  I felt like I was glowing.

Saturday (yesterday considering it’s 4:30am on Sunday) Gavin and I planned to do sweet nothing because we’ve been away from home for so many weekends or just doing this and that through the week.  Felt pretty damn good, but my mood has dropped back to a mellow-ish level.  I enjoyed feeling stoked, guess it couldn’t last though.

Gavin and I have spent every day together since we re-met on the 1st of October.  That’s about 66 days.  What puzzles me is that neither of us is sick of the other; it feels completely natural, like we’ve known each other for years.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great.  I just find it interesting.

The other thing is that I’m obsessed with these two songs at the moment, thanks to Max, who has the best taste in music I’ve ever come across.  We’ve had quite a few discussions about music and different bands and stuff now.  Oh yes, the songs:

Apocalyptica – Quutamo.
Röyksopp – Happy up here.

Enjoy.

<3 DarkSlinky.

I didn’t think I’d be able to do this so soon, but I’ve decided it’s time to go through my little box of treasures from the relationship I had with Liam and let them go.

I kept all sorts of little things.  If you don’t mind, I’d like to go through and remember them piece by piece before they go to their final resting place.  There’s no need to read it, it’s more for me than anything else.

1. Cards, letters and stories, messages of love that slowly faded over time. He used to be very in touch with his emotions, very romantic.  Reading back over them I believe we were truly in love.  It worries me that a love like that can simply evaporate.
2. A red bow and three red roses (now dried) from a bunch of flowers he once bought for me. I also put petals from roses he bought for me in a little box that had chocolates in it.  In the early years he would always bring me the most beautiful flowers.  I can’t remember the last time I received any from him, which didn’t bother me at all. Money was tight.
3. Little boxes I received jewellery in.  Over the years he bought me a silver band with his name engraved in it and two bracelets with “I love you” engraved in them in Japanese, which is “Aishiteimasu”.  I lost the first one, so he bought me another. Also a silver anklet I never took off, a white gold, sapphire ring and a watch with twelve diamonds.  When he first moved out I gave him my band with his name engraved in it, told him to return it to me when he came home.  He still has that ring, I kept the rest but no longer wear them.
4. Movie tickets.  In the early years when we went to the movies somehow our two movie tickets would always still be attached together.  I always thought it was a good omen.  I even made cute little envelopes to keep them in.
5. Concert and performance tickets.  We saw Evanescence, Linkin Park, Ash Grunwald, Spicks and Specks, Anh Do, and the Kransky Sisters together.
6. A toothpaste box. This is a little more personal. Nothing dirty, but you’re not getting the details on this one! Haha.
7. The side of a popcorn box he carved a face in to, to cheer me up one day. In the early years he’d always do crazy little things that would make me smile.
8. A notepad with “& Jayne” drawn on it in fancy writing.  He gave me the pen and asked me to write his name above it.  I never had time and eventually forgot about it.

So that’s that.  I’ve had my cry, now on to the good stuff!  It’s nearly time to create a new box of memories.

Tonight Gavin took me out for dinner at Wagamama’s to celebrate the fact he finally sold his old car.  It was awesome!  The food was delicious; we had a nice glass of wine and a good talk.  I didn’t even get asked for ID, haha. Made me feel pretty good.  Afterwards we came back to my place to watch Good News Week and play some Team Fortress 2.  My night ended perfectly with a sweet goodbye kiss in the rain, lightning flashing above us, and thunder in the distance.  Kissing in the rain is very sentimental to me for a number of reasons that I won’t go into now.

It’s wonderful to experience true romance again. There was one night, driving in the car, when I was explaining to Gavin that throughout my breakup I kept the quote, “If you love it, let it go. If comes back to you, it’s yours forever, if it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be,” in my mind.  He looked at me and said, “I came back.”  Really melted my heart, you know? I hope he doesn’t mind me publishing this!  Just means a lot to me, hehe.

Things are good with both Nicki and Monique now; thank goodness!  I’m determined to be the very best friend I can be to those I love from now on.  I’ve learnt a lot about myself and those around me and I’m really looking forward to seeing what the future holds for me.  It’s a big change from how I was a few weeks ago, huh?  It’s been an incredible journey, one I wouldn’t change.  I only hope this journey will help someone else out there in the same position as me.

<3 DarkSlinky.