DarkSlinky

The first thing I’ll say is that I didn’t get my internet set up like I thought I would.  I was all prepared to organise the whole transferring process when I found out the things I wanted to do aren’t possible for various reasons.  I’ve since found out they may be possible because we have two phone lines so I’m looking into a few more options.  I won’t go into details because it’s boring and doesn’t matter anyway.

Okay.  The most bizarre thing just happened.  I just started chatting to an old friend I haven’t spoken to in over a year while I write my blog and I was telling her about Gavin and about how now I find myself experiencing a happiness I haven’t felt in years.  Just as I started telling her about what he does for a living a song started playing on iTunes; a song Gavin sent me five years ago when we were close like we are now.  I would link it except I’m still speed capped so it’d take me forever to find.   It’s a well known song; I imagine most people would know it.  Phil Collins – You’ll be in my heart.  Anyway, I couldn’t help but cry with happiness when I heard it.  The lyrics mean more to me now than they did all those years ago.  I’m someone who believes there are no coincidences.  I felt overwhelmed with emotion because out of the thousands of songs in my iTunes list, it was this song that started to play in that moment, after so many years of hardship.  My friend said to me, “Do you think it means anything?”  I’m being a little bit corny, aren’t I? I can’t help it! Haha!

My relationship with Gavin is blossoming into something that’s truly special.  My mother tells me every day how she can see I’m actually living my life now and she’s happy that I’ve moved on to someone better.  My family and friends all love him and they can see quite clearly that while he’s taking care of me, he’s not letting me get away with being lazy.  He tells me every day that he adores me, that I’m wonderful, brilliant, amazing, and all these things that I haven’t heard in all too long.  I honestly don’t know what he sees in me.  I find myself thinking he deserves someone better, but at the same time I’m thankful he’s with me.  With each passing day I realise more and more just what an incredible person Gavin is, and I’m not saying it to be a suck-up!  I was outside today eyeing my dog when in my heart I had this overwhelming sense of warmth, appreciation, comfort, completeness, serenity, peace… the list goes on.

I made an interesting observation today as well, that is that my ex’s friends have happily kept contact with me since our break-up, I assume because they enjoy my company and think I’m a good person while none of my friends hesitated to sever contact with my ex after he left.  Does that say something to you?  Haha.  Made me laugh because he’s been trying to bother me lately and it’s not working, thanks to Gavin and a few of his friends who I now consider to be my friends as well.

I guess there’s a lot I could say but really the point is, is that I’m over him.  It seemed impossible to move on at the time but it really wasn’t hard to do when it came down to it.  It’s not hard to understand why when you look at my quality of life now compared to then.  I was waiting to die, as my mother says, and now I’m living.  I was unhappy, and now I’m happy. It’s as simple as that.   He became something I could never love, and while I’ll cherish the happy memories we shared, I’m definitely going to learn from the bad ones.

Trust your friends.  They love you, they care about you and most of the time they know what’s good for you.  I know it’s hard and looking back I believe I did the right thing by enduring my relationship with him despite the fact things were bad, so I don’t mind when my friends say to me, “We told you so!” because they did and I chose to listen but to go in a different direction.

As a side note:  Monique and I were playing Snooker today and we ended up tying for 85!  Apparently it’s a rare occurance.  We’re both very pleased with ourselves, haha.

I just can’t put into words how relieved I am, how free I feel.

Thank you to my friends, I love you all.

<3 DarkSlinky.